Swan Chick
by Snapegirlkmf
Summary: Bae and Emma's second child, and their first together as a couple, is about to be born. Share in the laughs, drama, and wonder of the miracle of life with the Gold family as a new addition is born and Rumple and Belle have their second grandchild, along with the Charmings and Regina becomes an aunt. Gold Standard AU! Baby Regal/Gold & Swanfire family fic!
1. Countdown

**Swan Chick**

 **A Gold Standard fic**

 **Featuring**

 **SwanFire & Baby Regal/Gold**

 _ **1**_

 _ **Countdown**_

 _Fire Mountain dojo_

 _Storybrooke, Maine:_

"Class dismissed!" Bae called out to his current crop of karate students, and then bowed to them. They all bowed back and called, "Hai, sensei!" before scattering off the mats and into their locker rooms to get their shoes and other paraphernalia before going home.

"Sensei?"

Bae turned to see Grace standing behind him. "Yeah, Gracie? What's up?"

"Umm . . .I was just wondering, isn't Emma gonna deliver soon? It seems like it's been forever," Alice's daughter declared.

"Yeah, she's real close. Like a week," Bae nodded. Both Snow and Belle had said that Emma could go anytime now. Bae found that thought both exciting and alarming. Exciting because he really couldn't wait to see his second child get born, and alarming because he thought it made Emma sound like a ticking time bomb about to explode.

Although, the sheriff had said she felt as if she were gonna explode a few days ago.

Grace smiled. "Mama says don't forget to call when you're at the hospital, okay?"

"I won't," her teacher promised. "See you later!"

Grace waved as she ran out the door of the dojo and into Alice's waiting blue Toyota.

Bae turned to Ashley, who was his receptionist, and said, "Let's call it a day, Ash. I'm gonna lock up and then go see where Emma is."

After Ashley had gathered her purse and paperback, Bae locked the doors of his dojo and then went upstairs to the apartment to see if Emma had gotten home yet from the store. This close to her due date, he didn't like her going out alone, but Belle had promised to go with her, and Emma was usually good about texting him if she was going to be late.

"Hon, I'm home!" he called cheerfully as he entered the apartment.

He could hear the TV from the den, playing the familiar Highlander theme song "Princes of the Universe". That was Henry's current obsession and he was currently watching season two of the show on DVD.

"Hey, tiger," Bae greeted his son, who was sitting on the sofa, a bowl of cinnamon sugar popcorn in his lap. "Where's your mom?"

Henry paused the DVD, finished the mouthful of popcorn and took a swig of Mountain Dew before he replied, "Mom's not home yet. She texted me and said to tell you she had to go over to the station to help with a consult."

"Say _what?"_ his father sputtered in disbelief. "She's on maternity leave, for Chrissake! She's not available for consults!"

Henry shrugged. "Chill, Dad. I'm just telling you what she said." He held up his phone. "See?"

Bae groaned and said, "I don't believe this." Then he pulled his Fire Mountain gray hoodie back on and said, "Be right back. I'm gonna see what this big emergency is. I didn't hear any sirens, did you?"

"Nope. But I was watching MacLeod kick some idiot's butt," his son reminded him, tapping his remote against his knee.

"Right. Okay, be back soon." Bae shot out the door like he was on fire. He was going to have some words with the acting sheriff, Robin Locksley about calling his pregnant wife down to the station for anything short of a nuclear airstrike against the town.

Bae pulled into the station and parked his Escape next to Emma's familiar yellow Bug. He thought that she was lucky she could still drive considering, then he scowled when he realized she shouldn't be driving in her condition. But Emma was as stubborn as rocks, and she was sure that once she had gotten the call from Robin had insisted she drive to the station herself. And Belle wouldn't have wanted to argue with her and risk sending her into early labor, not to mention that Belle probably had the twins today, since Rumple was awaiting a shipment of antiques at his shop from Scotland with some fine seventeenth century pieces from the Highlands.

He jumped out, noting with some irritation that Robin's patrol car wasn't there. Which meant Emma was at the station alone. "If he's left my pregnant wife alone while he went back out on call, he's gonna learn a new definition of the word "merry" when I merrily kick his ass!" he grumbled to himself.

He yanked open the door and called, "Hey, wild swan, you there?"

"Back here, Bae," Emma replied.

Bae headed back towards the office, appearing in the doorway a moment later. "Em, what are you doing over here?" he asked, leaning against the doorjamb for a moment.

"Robin called and wanted me to look at these wanted posters from Boston and see if I agreed about the match with the hood who's been running around robbing stores and assaulting women. We think it might be the thug called the Boston Brahmin." Emma said, waving her hand over the two mug shots and photos taken in Storybrooke of the thief running off with someone's purse. The gentleman in question was called that because he dressed like someone out of GQ and seemed harmless . . .until he snatched your wallet or held up the register. Her bulging belly touched the top of the desk as she sat in the swivel chair. Too large now to wear her customary red leather jacket, she was now wearing a red cotton maternity top that her mother-in-law had gotten her with the words "Baby on Board" on it. She had on soft gray stretch pants and Bae's Converse, because her feet were too swollen now to fit into her own size shoes.

"Em, I don't care if he's got a lead on the Boston Strangler, you're supposed to be unavailable right now," Bae stated. "You're a week from your due date."

"I know, Gold. Relax, I'm fine."

"Yeah well what if you'd gone into labor here?" he demanded. "Without anyone around?"

"I have my cell phone. I'd have called you."

Bae snorted. "Is your phone charged?"

Emma went to pick it up. "Umm . . .I think so . . ." she frowned as she saw the empty box blinking. "Umm . . ."

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

She glared at him. "Rub it in, why don't you, Gold?"

"How could you go out without your phone charged?" Bae said exasperatedly.

"I thought I charged it last night," she said defensively. "I can't help it if I forget. I've got a lot on my mind."

Her husband groaned. "Yeah and you ought to be home and not here identifying perps. That's the acting sheriff's and deputies job now."

"It was just a few minutes, Bae. You act like I was on a stakeout," Emma protested.

"Yeah and where's Locksley?"

"He got another call and went to investigate. He was going to be back in a few."

"Uh huh. And where's everyone else?"

"Lunch break."

"Humph!" he snorted.

"Speaking of, I could go for something," Emma said, just as her tummy rumbled in agreement. She patted her stomach. "See, the kid agrees with me." Then she grunted and muttered, "And now she's doing cartwheels on my bladder. Oof!"

She levered herself to a standing position.

"Where are you going?"

"Bathroom. My bladder's like the size of a peanut."

She waddled towards the restroom, one hand on her lower back.

Behind her, Bae swore.

He could cheerfully roundhouse kick Locksley into next week. "Papa's right. Never ask an idiot to do a job that requires thinking." He bent over the desk and eyed the two photos and the mug shot.

He compared the two silently.

Then he heard the toilet flush and soon Emma waddled back to the desk.

"Now I know what a bowling ball feels like," she joked.

"If I see Robin anytime soon, he's gonna know what a practice dummy feels like," Bae said heatedly. "Leave him a note that these pics are possible matches and let's go home."

"Hon, I can't just leave the station unattended!"

"Emma, you're coming home now, before you go into labor and have this baby right here," Bae ordered. "You're not on duty anymore, he is! Let him solve his own damn case, that's what he's getting paid for."

"Gold, you're being an idiot. I'm not even having Braxton-Hicks right now."

"Yeah and you don't want to be getting them driving home either," he pointed out. "Come on, wild swan. Let's go home, eat lunch, and veg out on the couch."

"Bae, you're being a worrywart. Worse than Rumple was when Belle was pregnant!"

"Maybe we wouldn't be if our wives weren't contrary and stubborn as rocks," he retorted. "Now c'mon, Em. Don't make me pick you up over my shoulder."

She gaped at him. "You smoking something, Baelfire? Carry me? You'll throw your back out before you get five feet! In case you haven't noticed, I'm the size of a house!"

"So? I can pick you up," he argued.

"Only if you want to end up in the hospital too with a hernia," Emma pointed out. She patted her belly. "Right kid? Tell your daddy he's being nuts."

"Tell your mom she's being impossible and you don't want to be born in a patrol car," Bae snorted. Then he went to clasp his wife in his arms. "Emma, dammit!"

"Bae! Don't you _dare_!" she snapped. Her blue eyes blazed skyfire at him. "I swear, all you Stiltskin men are insane when your wives are carrying. Crazy like a fox!"

He embraced her, putting his chin on the top of her head. "I'm serious, wild swan. You've got til the count of three before I go all Fred Flintstone on you," he threatened with a goofy grin.

"You do and I'll go all Wilma on your ass, Gold, and hit you over the head with a brontosaurus bone!" she waggled a finger.

"Yeah? Where you gonna get that? Jurassic Park?"

"Ha ha. I'll conjure one just for you, Mr. Neanderthal."

"You can't. You're not allowed to use magic. Papa said so."

This close to her due date, a pregnant mage couldn't use magic, or risk putting her body under too much stress and triggering labor pains.

Emma pouted. "Yoda's not the boss of me."

"If you come home with me now, I'll make you grilled cheese for lunch," Bae wheedled, smiling at her.

"Umm . . . but . . ."

"With fresh tomato and crispy bacon," he persuaded.

"I promised . . ." she was wavering.

He went in for the kill. "With Irish butter and zesty fries."

"Where's his damn sticky notes?" she muttered, the fries putting her over the edge.

Five minutes later she had locked the door to the station and waddled out to her car, with her husband's arm around her, while Bae sang, "Flintstones, meet the Flintstones . . ." in her ear.

As he opened the door to the Bug for her, Emma turned to him and heaved a sigh.

"What is it?" he cried nervously. "Are you having contractions?"

"Don't quit your day job, hon," she smirked. "And the only pangs I'm having are hunger pangs."

"Real funny, Emma," he muttered, then he helped her put on her seatbelt. By the time this baby was born, he was going to have gray hairs just like his papa.

He watched as she pulled out of the parking lot, then followed her slowly home.

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

 _A few hours later:_

Emma relaxed with her feet up on the recliner, a fuzzy plaid afghan thrown over her lap, her stomach still pleasantly full from Bae's grilled cheese with bacon and tomato along with zesty fries and some chocolate pudding. She was nearly dozing off, the baby also sleeping, since she didn't feel any movement right then.

Next to her, Bae was sprawled casually on the sofa with his feet up, propping a familiar book upon his jean clad knees as he read intently, his head on a throw pillow. Henry was on the other end of the sectional, engrossed in the second season of Highlander. Emma opened one eye lazily to look at her menfolk, one hand resting lightly on her belly.

The book Bae was reading was one he had already read before, borrowed from Rumple. It was called _She's Having a Baby and I'm Having a Breakdown—a book for expectant fathers._ Rumple had read it cover to cover, and it had been in almost pristine condition when he had given it to his son. It now looked like it had been the victim of an inquisitive toddler, its spine cracked, pages dogeared, cover creased from being left open too many times, and a splotch of what she thought might have been grape jelly on the side. "How many times have you read that, Bae? Five?"

"Seven," he replied absently, thumbing through it.

"I think he's memorized it, Mom," Henry put in.

"Almost," Bae muttered. He paused to reread a paragraph.

"Wouldn't surprise me," Emma laughed. "But maybe you'd better think about keeping this copy and buying your dad a new one, considering what it looks like," she gestured to it.

Bae grimaced. "Maybe I should. Where'd she buy it?"

"New York."

"Great," he ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sure I can get it at ." He flipped to another page.

"I don't think it looks that bad, Dad," Henry put in.

Bae peered at his son over the top of the book. "Tiger, have you met your grandma? Belle would slam me with a whopping fine for damaging her books if she saw this!"

"But Dad, it's not a library book."

"Doesn't matter. It's her book," Bae snickered. "Besides, if my mama didn't fine me, your grandpa would resurrect his cane and beat me with it for damaging a book like this."

"Beware the Cane of Doom!" giggled Emma and Bae shot her a Look.

He turned another page, then said abruptly, "Henry, let's go over the checklist again."

His son groaned. "But Da-a-ad! We did that last night, and the night before that. Besides, this is a good episode."

"Humor him, tiger. You can pause the DVD." Emma said.

"Okay!" her son huffed. He glanced at his father, who now held a clipboard and a pen in his hand.

In the beginning, the list had only five or six items on it. Since then it had grown. A lot.

Henry clicked pause and then got up. "Okay, Dad. Here we go again." He was sure by the time his mom went into labor he was going to have memorized the list of expectant mom items so well that he'd never forget it and be the only male sixth grader to know exactly what you needed to take to the hospital when your wife gave birth and he didn't even have a girlfriend!

"Car." Bae read, starting with the vehicle. "Gas."

"Check."

"Tires full."

"Check."

"Carseat."

"Check." They had put that in the car a week ago.

"Okay. Now we'll go to the hospital bag," Bae said, and they walked into his bedroom, where Emma had an extra large duffle bag ready. "Hand lotion."

"Check."

"Lip balm. Shampoo. Conditioner. Body wash."

"Check."

"Secret. Hair clips."

"Check. Check." Henry called as he held up each item.

"ID card. Tums."

"Check."

"Two nightshirts. Socks. T-shirt and sweatpants. Underclothes. Brush. Toothbrush and toothpaste."

"Check."

"Baby layette. Receiving blankets. Bottles. Wipes."

"Check."

"Tylenol. Always."

"Check."

"Don't forget my slippers and robe," Emma called. "Ashley says those hospital floors are like ice."

"Got it, hon. Mother Goose slippers," Bae called to Henry.

"Check." Henry held up the slippers, which were pink and white geese's heads with a blue kerchief over the goose heads. Bae had bought them for her at the baby shower.

"Quilted robe."

"Check."

"IPod. Hard candy. Cheezits. Oreos. Travel pillow with lavender case."

"Check."

"Camera. Cellphone. Charger."

"Check."

"Blankets. Diapers. Towels. Face moisturizer. Flip flops."

"Got 'em."

"Outlander novel."

"Check."

"My clothes."

"Check."

"An extra bag for whatever else we can't fit in this one."

"Check."

"That's all, tiger."

"Um, not everything, Dad. You forgot the kitchen sink," his son joked.

Bae rolled his eyes. "You're a riot."

"Henry, did you pack the tazer?" Emma called, giggling. "Because I'll need one to poke your dad if he passes out during the delivery."

"I am _not_ passing out!" Bae snapped.

"Famous last words," his wife yodeled.

"Did you forget, I've done this before," he reminded her. "If I didn't pass out then, with Mama's twins, I sure as hell won't now with my own."

"Like I said, babe, famous last words," she smirked at him from the recliner.

Henry cracked up. "Oh my God! That would be hilarious!"

"Aww, hush up, tiger!" Bae ordered. "Show some respect."

"Okay, Dad. Mom, where's the cattle prod?" Then he ducked Bae's swat to the back of his head.

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

 _The next morning:_

Emma's cell buzzed and she rolled over in bed, which was practically the only thing she could do anymore in it, and went to pick it up off the nightstand before it woke Bae. She had just gotten up to use the bathroom—for the tenth time that night—or whatever time it was this morning—her phone said 8:15—and had been trying to recapture the lovely dream she'd been having when she was so rudely disturbed.

The caller ID flashed with her dad's name on it and she thought, _oh shit, what's happened with Mom?_ Because Snow was pregnant too. She hit the answer button. "Hello?" she said muzzily. "Dad?"

"No, silly, it's _me_!" a high little voice squealed on the other end of the line. "Regina!"

Emma moaned. "Kid, what are you doing with Dad's phone again?"

"I needed to call an' ask you sumpin'," she replied innocently, ignoring the question like she always did when she knew she had done something forbidden, as if she hoped you'd forget it. "You havin' the baby yet? Is it born now?"

"Regina, it's eight in the morning!" her sister yawned. "And no, not yet." This was a familiar litany. Regina called and asked her if the baby was born at least once a day now that she was thirty-nine weeks and counting.

"But Emma-a!" the child whined, drawing out the syllables of her name. "You said it was gonna be borned soon! I wanna see the swan chick."

That was her name for the baby. Actually, Bae had coined it, and now Regina used it exclusively to describe her new niece or nephew.

"Swan chick's still incubating," Emma muttered sleepily, then grunted as Bae's hand hit her in the back. "Dammit, Bae! Quit poking me, got enough of that with the kid doing somersaults on my bladder." She poked her husband.

"Mmmhmmm?" Bae muttered unintelligibly.

"Oohh, you said a bad word!" Regina commented in her best I'm-telling voice. "Dad's gonna wash out you mouth."

"Dad isn't here, so mind your beeswax, imp!" Emma returned.

"What's in-cuu-ba-shun mean?" Regina asked then, sounding the unfamiliar word out like Snow had taught her.

"Umm . . ." Emma yawned again, her brain still fuzzy and not up to defining words that early. "Means the kid's cooking a bit longer for she comes out." For some reason Emma almost always referred to the baby as "she".

"I want her to come out now!" Regina declared in her Royal Brat voice.

"Yeah well, the swan chick has other ideas," Emma chuckled. "Right now she's staying put."

"Awww!"

Emma could practically see Regina pouting on the other end of the phone. "Where's Mom and Dad? They up yet?"

"Mom's in the shower an' Dad's snoring."

"Figures. Okay, I gotta go and take one myself, so I'll talk to you later, okay? And better put the phone back where you found it, or else you're gonna be in time out," Emma warned.

"'Kay, Emma! Give the swan chick a kiss from me," Regina blew a kiss into the phone before hanging up.

Emma put her phone down and did so, patting her tummy, which was round and tight like a drum. She lay there, trying to fall back to sleep again, but then the baby kicked her and she grunted. "Kid, why are you awake this early? Go and get forty winks."

She closed her eyes and tried to demonstrate.

The baby kicked again, harder, and Emma winced. "Kid, what are you doing in there, practicing for a karate tournament?"

Her stomach bulged suddenly as the foot thrust against her womb.

"Ohh!"

"Em? Whass the matter? You having pains?" Bae shot up from the bed like he'd been electrocuted, his hair standing on end.

His wife shook her head. "No. But the kid's practicing her roundhouse."

"What?" He leaned over to see.

Again the foot wriggled and poked.

Bae's eyes widened and he put a hand over her tummy. "Whoa! Looks like he's gonna be a chip off the old block, huh?"

"She. Girls can do karate too."

"I know," Bae answered, smirking. "I teach 'em."

The foot retreated and Emma's stomach returned to its current round shape.

"Regina called. Wanted to know if the swan chick was born yet."

Bae rolled his eyes. "My God, how come she's not asking your mom all these questions?"

"She does . . .and drives her and Dad crazy too. But then she remembers I'm having mine first and she calls me," Emma sighed.

"Well at least she didn't call at 4 AM," Bae chuckled, recalling an incident before Easter when Regina had called Rumple and woken him and the entire household up because she was bored and her parents were sleeping.

"I'd have reached through the phone and strangled her," Emma snorted. "But I think your dad pretty much nipped that in the bud."

"Yeah, he's good at making kids mind him," Bae answered, thinking back to his own childhood. He just hoped he'd be the same with this kid, though he was pretty good with Henry, it wasn't the same as raising a kid from a baby. He was going to need a few more parenting books. And to talk to his papa. _Maybe I ought to set up sessions,_ he thought wryly. _Or Papa can have a class. What Every Father Needs to Know About Childcare. The Gold Method._ He could just picture Rumple's face if he told him that.

Emma stirred beside him. "Well, long as I'm awake now, might as well hop in the shower." She sat up slowly and stood, a process rather like rolling a hip from dry land into the water. "Or waddle like a duck," she remarked, and slid her feet into flip flops.

"Quack quack," Bae hooted.

"Funny, Bae."

"What? It's the Mighty Ducks fight theme," he objected. "Don't be so testy, hon."

"Testy? Obi Wan, you think this is testy, wait till I'm actually _in_ labor," she retorted.

He put his hands together. "May the Force be with me."

She threw a pillow at his head. "Smartass!"

He gave her a guilty grin. "That's one thing my papa couldn't beat out of me."

"Like he tried," Emma coughed. "He's the original smartass."

Bae shrugged. "He did, just not very hard."

"Like father like son. I just hope this baby takes after me."

"Oh God! Then we're dead!"

"What? What's that supposed to mean?" she cried.

"Nothing, honey," he said in a totally banal tone.

"Don't you tell me nothing, Gold!" she stomped back over to the bed and shook her finger in his face. "You tell me what the hell you meant with tha comment or else."

"Just . . . if the baby takes after you . . . we'll have Superman on our hands," Bae replied. "And Superman with an attitude to boot."

"So? She'll be sassy and able to kick a guy's ass six ways to Sunday. Nothing wrong with that."

"No but . . .we might have to get a new house after she burns it down." He joked.

Emma paled, recalling the last time the dojo had caught on fire—because of Henry trying to make Christmas lights work by magic. "Don't even go there, Bae!" A magical toddler, she thought in alarm. How the hell would they survive? "Never mind. I'm going to take a shower."

"'Kay, sweetheart," her husband called. He thought about getting out of bed and maybe putting on a pot of coffee. Then he looked at his pillow. On second thought, the pillow looked more inviting.

Ten seconds later he was drifting through dreamland again.

Only to be awakened by a loud thud and the sound of his wife swearing.

 _That_ brought him awake instantly and out of bed in two seconds, adrenaline flooding his veins like he was facing an opponent in the arena. "Em? What happened? You fall?"

He was at the bathroom door in another second, and inside like a shot.

The steam from the shower curled around the mirror and fogged it, and he could see his wife inside, her unwieldy bulk a large shadow against the glass door.

"Emma? You okay?" he called, praying that she wasn't having contractions in the shower, of all places.

"Bae?"

"What's wrong?"

"I . . .dropped the back brush, and I can't see to get it because my eyes are shut, my hair's full of soap, and I can't bend over."

He breathed a sigh of relief. _Not yet. Not yet. Stay there, baby._ "Hang on, I'll get it."

He opened the door and a blast of steamy heat struck him, with the scent of cucumbers and melons wafting through the air. Emma was crouched down, trying to rinse the shampoo from her hair and the brush was lying at her feet in a puddle of soapsuds.

Bae knelt and picked it up. He was about to hand it to her when he saw how she was standing. "You look like you're stiff, wild swan. You sleep wrong again on your neck?"

"Yeah, but that's because I'm the size of a bowling ball and how the hell can I sleep right like this?" she fretted. She tossed her head sending suds all over. "Sorry I scared you. Just gimme the brush."

"I wasn't _scared_. Just a little . . .concerned," he objected.

"Yeah, right. Never lie to the human lie detector, Baelfire," his wife sniffed. "My brush please. I need it to reach places I used to be able to touch."

"I've got a better idea, darling," he crooned.

"A better idea? Like a forklift?"

"Nope. An extra pair of hands," he answered, and started pulling his T-shirt off.

"Gold, what are you doing?" she asked, her eyes still closed, as she tried to make sure all the shampoo was gone.

"You'll see, dearie," he crooned, imitating his father. He tossed his shirt and boxers into a pile and stepped into the shower with her. "Now . . .tell me where you can't reach."

"Everything below my waist," she answered, then she opened her eyes as he began to gently wash her lower back. "Bae! What in the . . .what are you doing in the shower with me?"

"Playing home health aide."

Her eyebrows climbed into her hair. "Bae, if a home health aide looked like you, those old ladies would never get better!"

"What? Why?" he asked, as he washed the back of her leg.

"Because they'd fake being sick so you could take care of them. Oooh . . . that feels so good!"

She wriggled a bit against him, as his hands massaged all the knots from her lower back.

Bae sucked in a breath. "Ahh . . .Emma . . .can you not wriggle like that so much?"

"Hmm? Oh, sorry, am I throwing you off your rhythm or whatever you call it?"

Bae coughed, because it wasn't his rhythm of massaging that was being thrown off when she moved like that against him, but something far more noticeable. He breathed in and out sharply two times. _Go back to sleep! It's not time for you to wake up!_ He concentrated hard on working out the tension in his wife's back. "How's that? Better?"

"Heavenly. You ever get sick of teaching kids and women how to dismember people you've got a future as a masseuse. A really good one too!" She moaned again and shifted, her bottom rubbing against his thigh.

"That's . . .nice . . . hon. I'll keep it in mind."

It was a good thing they were in the shower, he thought as the water trickled over him. But he wished it were cold.

"Can you . . .umm . . .do my neck?" she asked.

"Sure I can," he said, and glided his hands up her back to her shoulders, where he began kneading and rubbing again.

"Oooh, yes . . .right there!" she hissed. "Oh my God!"

 _Yeah. Oh my God is right._ He thought, and continued, his hands finding all the tense spots and slowly rubbing them away.

Emma felt herself starting to go limp like a sponge, her body soaking in the heat and her bones melting to water. "I love you, Bae. You make me feel . . . like a princess even when I'm a two ton baby beluga."

His hands suddenly stopped their rubbing and he pulled her had against him. "That's because you are _my_ princess, wild swan. And the mother of my children. And you are beautiful to me . . . no matter what."

She tilted her head back so she could see him. "You really mean that, don't you? I feel like a house."

He began to kiss her, his lips nibbling delicately on her ear, then moving lower, his hands gently stroking and touching.

She felt herself quiver with desire, vibrating like a harp whose strings hand been plucked by a master bard.

He continued his seduction, until at last he lifted his head and murmured, "That answer your question?"

She laughed huskily. "Yup. What do you call that?"

"Part one of 50 Shades of Bae," he quipped, giggling.

"What's the next part?"

He sighed. "Something we're gonna have to wait for until this kid is born."

"Oh, damn!"

Then she turned around and kissed him hard. "But in the meantime . . .let's not waste the water." She took the scrubby from him and began to wash his chest, kissing him afterwards.

"See? You are perfect just as you are . . .Mom." He cupped her belly. "Right, pardner?"

The baby stuck out a fist in answer.

"High five! Smart kid. Takes after both of us."

"Got that right. Now shut up and kiss me, Gold," Emma teased. "Before we run out of hot water."

Privately, Bae didn't think that was such a bad idea. Then he kissed her back.

Things began to progress from there, since neither one of them wanted to let it go, until Henry banged on the door and called, "Hey, guys! Grandma called and wants you to meet them at Granny's for breakfast!"

"Okay, we'll be out in a minute." Emma called. Then she looked at her husband. "Oh my God! Did I just say that? He'll be scarred for life."

Bae laughed. "I doubt it, wild swan. Or have you forgotten that the Evil Queen and the Huntsman used to be lovers?"

Emma gulped. She had forgotten, or not precisely forgotten but put it to the back of her mind, considering Regina was no longer the Evil Queen, but her three-and-a-half year old adopted sister. And once, a lifetime ago, she had thought Graham a cute catch, but though she mourned him, he was nothing compared to her martial arts instructor. Because no man could ever compare to her Baelfire. He was one of a kind.

"Yeah well let's attempt to behave, Bae. Or else Rumple will come over here and beat us both," she smirked.

"Only if you tell," he purred.

"M' not talking," she muttered, then gave him one last kiss before she grabbed a towel . . . and flicked his sexy backside with it.


	2. Baby Mine

**2**

 **Baby Mine**

 **A/N: Chapter dedicated to all my awesome friends on MRJ group on FB who suggested ideas for me! Some of you diehard Disney fans will recognize the title of this chapter as being the same as a famous song in a classic Disney movie. Who can tell me what it is? And thanks for all your support!**

"I think we're early, Rumple," Belle said, as they pulled into the parking lot at the diner in his Cadillac. She got out of the car, straightening her salmon colored top and white capris as she did so. Luckily, all the walking she had done the past three months with Freya and the twins had managed to help her lose the extra baby weight she had gained with the twins.

"Better early than late, dearie," her husband said.

He went to take Daria out of her car seat, while Alina got Dylan, and handed him to Jimmy. The twins were now six months old, and had started sitting up by themselves, babbling in some language known only to them with each other, and cooing, laughing, and pulling at anything that came within their reach. They also recognized their family members and caregivers, and would squeal when they saw Belle, Rumple, Alina, Bae, Emma, Jimmy, Henry, Regina, and Alice. Once Belle had been pushing them in their stroller and they had passed Mother Superior walking down Main Street and both twins had begun blowing raspberries and screaming in anger. Blue had been shocked, and had backed off, but not before some poison ivy had wrapped around her wrist from a tree and a bird had dive bombed her and pooped on her head. Belle had been hard pressed not to burst out laughing. Clearly the babies had not forgotten the one time Blue had visited them. Even though they possessed fairy traits as a result of Belle using pixie dust to save them on the airplane home to Storybrooke from New York vacation, the twins detested the fanatical judgmental blue bug, and it appeared young as they were they had long memories, just like their parents.

The twins still looked similar, though Dylan had leaf green eyes and Daria the pointed ears and whiskey colored eyes of a fae. Dylan had his mom's auburn hair and Daria her father's nut brown locks, and both twins' hair stuck up like kewpie dolls. Daria was more outgoing, and could make an astonishing range of animal noises, barks, growls, hisses and meows, even purr like Nala. "Rrrrrr," she was doing now as Rumple carried her in her infant seat.

"You r-r-oll your-r R's, like a wee Scottish lass, dear-r-ie," her father giggled, rolling his own R's in play back to her.

In his own seat, Dylan squealed and clapped his hands as they passed a bed of marigolds, which seemed to grow to twice their size and bob back and forth.

"Yeah, here he comes, the Prince of Petunias," Jimmy laughed as he carried Dylan up the walk. "And look—Pussy Galore has an escort too," he pointed to the line of stray cats that were suddenly trailing Rumple with Daria.

"You watch too much James Bond," Alina laughed.

"So? I like him," her "cousin" retorted. In the months he had become a member of the Gold family, the former pirate had learned much about the world he now inhabited, and had made a serious attempt to clean up his attitude and language, though he still had his smart mouth, he no longer bore any traces of the teenage delinquent bent on revenge against the Golds. He wore a Metallica T-shirt and jeans and black sneakers. His riot of black hair had finally been trimmed, by result of Rumple sitting him down and threatening to make him bald if he didn't let a barber take scissors to it. It now fell in neat waves to his shoulders.

As they entered the diner, the cats scattered, disappearing into the shrubbery.

Inside, Ruby escorted them to their usual booth beside the window, which was already occupied with the Nolans. Regina was standing on the seat peering out the window when she yodeled, "Daddy! The-e-y're he-e-e-re!"

Jimmy started laughing. "Anybody ever tell her she sounds like that kid from Poltergeist?"

"No, and don't start," Rumple interjected. "Or else she'll want to watch it and that's not something she needs to see."

"Yeah, guess we don't want her to wet the bed," Jimmy snickered.

"We don't," Belle said firmly. "Because _you'd_ be cleaning it."

Jimmy quit laughing. He knew Belle was not kidding.

Regina almost catapulted into Rumple's arms, except she stopped short when she saw he had Daria. "Hello, minx!" he greeted her after he had set the carrier down.

"Unca Rumple!" she squealed as if she hadn't seen him in a month, and almost strangled him hugging him.

"Regina, let the poor man breathe!" Snow ordered, hiding a grin.

She moved over to let Alina slide on in and Belle also.

"I think my daughter's a little j-e-a-l-o-u-s of the fact that she doesn't have Uncle Rumple's undivided attention any longer," Mayor Nolan muttered to Belle.

"I'd say you'd be right," Belle agreed, picking up Dylan and letting Snow and David see the baby. "I think he's cutting a tooth, he was awake all last night crying and gnawing his fist, his teething ring, and Rumple's cabochon ring. Daria was too because Dylan was distressed and she was screeching because he was."

"Do they do that a lot?" asked David.

"Sometimes. They tend to synchronize, so when one is awake so is the other. And when one is hungry so is the other."

Dylan cooed at Snow, who took him and began to bounce him up and down, singing, "To market to market upon a fast horse, home again home again, clippety clop!"

Belle's son began jumping as Snow sang, making clicking noises with his tongue.

In her seat, Daria squalled, wanting to be part of the action.

Jimmy picked her up, saying, "Okay, kitty cat, no need to start hissing."

The baby blew a raspberry at him.

Jimmy blew one back and Daria tried to grab his tongue. "Too slow!" he taunted.

So she grabbed his nose.

He smirked, then started to say something he'd heard a patron from the Rabbit Hole say when Ruby jogged past one day. "Honk if you're h—"

"Mr. Jones!" Rumple snapped. "Don't even _go_ there!"

"Umm . . .I didn't say it, Uncle Rumple!" the boy protested.

"Good thing, or else instead of waffles you'd be tasting soap," his uncle warned.

"Aye, sir," a chastened boy muttered.

"Why? What was he gonna say?" Regina wanted to know.

"Never you mind, Miss Bossypants," Rumple told her.

"Was it a bad word?"

"Yes, now let's leave it at that, imp," her uncle said, and tweaked her nose. "Where's Bae and Emma?"

"They just texted me," David informed him. "They're on their way."

"That boy, he'd be late to his own funeral," Rumple muttered.

"I would too, cause who wants to be a in a hurry to die?" Jimmy put in.

A few moments later, Bae, Emma, and Henry arrived. Emma huffed as she went to sit down next to Belle. "Oof! Maybe we ought to have gotten a table!"

Her father-in-law twitched a finger. The booth promptly enlarged so Emma could sit comfortably. "That better, dearie?"

"Yeah, thanks," she said gratefully. "Lately I feel like Yoko's walrus."

Belle patted her hand. "Soon you'll be holding your baby, Emma."

"When, Auntie Belle?" Regina demanded. "It's taking _for-e-ver_ to get born!"

"The baby will be born soon, honey," Belle replied.

Regina huffed. "Unca Rumple, can't you hurry it up? The bun's cooked too long in the oven already!"

Ruby, carrying a tray full of their coffee and hot chocolate, almost dropped the tray when she heard that.

Henry almost choked to death from laughing.

"Regina!" gasped Snow. "Where did you hear that expression?"

"Jimmy," she announced.

Five sets of eyes glared at the teenager.

"What? My mom always said that whenever one of the pirate's women was . . . err . . .expecting."

Rumple heaved a long suffering sigh. "Dearie, it'd be best if you forgot what Milah told you because—"

"She's a hobag!" Regina shrilled.

David nearly spit his coffee all over.

"Oh my _God!_ " Alina giggled.

"I didn't say that!" Jimmy cried.

"Bae did," the little scamp crowed.

"Baelfire!" Rumple scowled at his eldest. "Do you need Ivory too?"

"Papa, I didn't know she was listening," his son protested.

"Regina has ears like a fox and memory like an elephant," Rumple groaned.

"An elephants never forget!" Regina giggled.

"You'd better forget you ever heard that word, dearie," Rumple said sternly. "Or else someone's going to have Ivory for breakfast."

"No!" she yelped, and put a hand over her mouth.

"Yeah like that'd help," Jimmy snorted. He knew perfectly well that if Mr. Gold said you were getting an Ivory snack, that's what you'd be getting.

Milah's younger son knew he ought to be insulted about hearing his mother referred to in such unflattering terminology, but he couldn't deny that his brother had a right to refer to her that way since she had basically been married when she jumped ship with his dad, Captain Hook.

"Umm . . .so what are y'all getting for breakfast?" Ruby drawled when she could speak again.

 **Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

Emma ate her waffles with bananas, brown sugar, and cinnamon slowly, though for some reason this morning she wanted to scarf down the whole plate and then lick it. She sipped her second cup of hot cocoa with cinnamon while listening quietly to her mom talk about decorating the nursery with her dad and Regina.

"Daddy put the crib up backwards," her little sister blurted.

"Thanks, princess," Charming sighed, as everyone else cracked up.

"What? It's true? Cause Mommy told you to read the directions and you didn't listen."

"Gee, now why does _that_ sound familiar?" Emma queried, poking Bae.

"Hon, the rocking horse said _some assembly required._ " Bae protested. "I didn't know that meant I was gonna have to put the whole thing together."

"Always read the fine print, Bae," Rumple lectured.

"We won't mention the espresso machine now will we, Rumple?" Belle asked sweetly.

Her husband blushed, while Alina and Jimmy giggled into their napkins.

"Ya mean the one that blew up?" Regina queried.

"I didn't even know those things could explode," Bae chuckled.

"They can if you don't read the directions," Belle put in.

"Rub it in, why don't you, dearie?" her husband muttered, thinking no secret was ever safe in this family. Unless he was keeping it.

"I thought I was in a 007 movie when I walked into the kitchen for breakfast and there was like coffee grounds all over," Jimmy joked.

Rumple rolled his eyes.

"You is 'ssessed with James Bond," Regina pointed out.

Jimmy snorted. "And _you're_ obsessed with Snow White, queenie!"

Regina stuck her tongue out at him. "Bite me, Jones!"

"Regina, enough!" David ordered.

" _He_ started it!" she pointed at Rumple's nephew.

"And _I'm finishing_ it," her father interjected.

Regina scowled.

Jimmy gave her a smug look, until his uncle said, "Wipe that smirk off your face, mister. Now quit baiting her, or else."

"But Uncle Rumple!" the teenager sputtered. "She started it!"

Rumple raised an eyebrow. "You eight or eighteen?"

"You know how old I am," the boy muttered sulkily.

"Act like it. Or there's a bathroom floor waiting for you to scrub with a toothbrush when we get home. Clear?"

"Aye, sir," Jimmy coughed. "Grumpy old man!" he hissed under his breath, forgetting that Regina wasn't the only member of the family who had ears like a bat.

" _Excuse me_?" Rumple Looked at him.

"Nothing, sir," Jimmy said swiftly.

"That's what I thought," Rumple said, then resumed eating his corned beef hash and eggs.

"Take notes, wild swan," Bae nudged her. "Cause this is gonna be us in a few years."

"Somebody shoot me now," Emma groaned.

"Nuh uh, Dad. I won't let my baby brother bait me," Henry said loftily.

"In your dreams, kid," Jimmy teased. 'Kid's gonna drive you bonkers and I'm gonna laugh about it."

"Wait till the twins start walking," Henry shot back. "Then you'd better hide your camera, Jimmy."

"By then I'm gonna be moved out and have my own place," the teenager said loftily.

Gold nearly snorted coffee up his nose. "Are you now, boy? How are you going to afford that? You don't even have a job. Or a college education."

"Umm . . ." Jimmy looked flummoxed, he hadn't thought of that. He'd grown up stealing and raiding ships and people. But this was not the Enchanted Forest and thievery here was not a profession or an option, unless he wanted to move into a jail cell. "I could work at the cannery."

"You could, yes. But you're also not taking advantage of everything this world has to offer. You could go to school and become a marine biologist," Belle suggested.

"A what?"

"Someone who studies all the living things in the ocean," she explained. "And how the oceans are being affected by the environment and so forth."

"They pay people to do that?"

"Uh huh. And lots of money too."

Jimmy whistled. "That's cool."

"But first you need to go to school," Gold put in.

"School? For how long?" the former pirate groaned.

"A few years," Gold said evasively. "But first you need to pass a GED."

"Huh?"

"High school equivalency test," Bae put in helpfully. "Papa and I could help you study for that."

"What's with all this school? Seems like you guys go to school for half your _lives,"_ the boy grumbled.

"It's to prepare you for the rest of your life," Snow said. "Although you're never done learning."

"Yup. Cause you learn something new everyday!" Regina parroted.

"Yeah and when are you gonna learn not to be a sassy brat?" Jimmy queried.

"I'd say around the same time you learn, boy, not to have a smart mouth," Rumple drawled.

"Which will be never!" Bae hooted.

"That's the pot calling the kettle black, dearie," his father smirked.

Bae just groaned. "I should have just kept my mouth shut."

"You never learn, do you, Gold?" Emma smirked.

"Ahh, shut up, Em."

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

Later that night Emma stood in the nursery they had designed for the baby, looking out the window at the starry sky, thinking about how different her life was now than the one she had had before, alone and friendless, without a family, a bailbondsperson with a rap sheet, an orphan with no one to love or who had loved her. She wrapped her arms about her belly, feeling the baby stirring within in her. "Not anymore, swan chick," she whispered. "The ugly duckling has finally found her family and come home. I'm no longer a lonely Swan, I'm a Gold, with more family than I know what to do with."

She smiled, thinking that now she had everything she had ever wanted as an unwanted orphan. A job, as a respected individual in her own right, a lovely apartment, her son, and her beloved husband, who had given her the best gift of all, someone who loved her unconditionally and always would.

She put her hands on her tummy, and whispered, "Baby mine, you'll never grow up like me or your daddy, lost and alone without your family. We'll always be right here."

The baby moved again, as if in confirmation of her vow.

Arms came around her then, and she felt Bae's solid weight against her, wrapping around her and cocooning her in warmth and love. He leaned his chin on her shoulder and said huskily, "Hey, wild swan. Saw the light in here and wondered what you were doing."

"Nothing much. Watching the stars," she said, moving his hands down so he could feel the baby. "When I was little, after the Swans gave me back to the orphanage, I used to look out the my window sometimes at the stars and wish on them . . . for a family who wanted me."

His lips found her neck and kissed it, warming her to the core of her being. Then he sang softly, "Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away. My papa used to sing that song to me when I was small, and together we'd count the stars. He used to say you couldn't number the stars because there were too many for us to see and the stars were like love, they went on forever. He used to say that if I was ever far from home, I could look up at the stars and whenever I saw a star fall someone who loved me was thinking of me." He drew in a breath. "When I was in Wonderland, as Cora's slave, I used to look up at the stars there every night, and wonder if he still was thinking of me. Because stars never fell there like they do here."

"He was. God, Bae, he never forgot you," Emma murmured. "Not even the Dark Curse could make him forget you."

"I know. Papa's like an elephant, he never forgets," Bae smiled gently through his sudden misty eyes.

"Speaking of elephants, I'm like the Elephant's Child," Emma laughed.

"You have insatiable curiosity? And no matter how much your relatives spank you, you can't get rid of it?" he teased, having read the famous Kipling story also.

"Yup, and so do you, if what Rumple's told me is any indication."

"He exaggerates," Bae said breezily.

"Yeah, sure," his wife giggled. "Your insatiable curiosity with that magic lamp got your butt beat good."

"Once," he coughed. "Wasn't like he beat me everyday. Hell, Em, he didn't need to. All he had to do was Look at me and I minded him."

She slanted him a glance. "Then you weren't a smartass like Jimmy?"

"Sure I was. I didn't have his truck driver mouth, but I sassed Papa plenty when I was thirteen and fourteen. Thought I was old enough to fight in a war, I was old enough to not have him tell me what to do." The martial arts instructor shook his head. "And some of the things I said to him when he was cursed . . .I'd have walloped my ass for good now. But then, when you're that age, you're selfish, you only think about you and what you want. I learned better though when I fell through that portal, off the beanstalk, and ended up in Wonderland. Nothing teaches you to value what you used to have like being a slave to the Queen of Hearts. Or how good I had it with my papa, even when he was the Dark One. I grew up fast then. But I learned all the wrong things there, and when I came here and joined a gang. It was only thanks to Neal and Kristine Cassidy that I became anybody decent. Because they reminded me of who I used to be, back when I was just Bae, the spinner's son. If not for them, I'd be just another smartass street punk."

"But you're not, Bae. You're a good man, a good martial arts instructor, and a wonderful father and husband. I'm so lucky I met you," she murmured.

"That makes two of us. Because you're a good woman, Emma. You're my savior."

"Don't call me that," she said automatically.

"Why? You saved me from a broken heart."

"We saved each other, Baelfire." Then she wound her arms around his neck and was kissing him. "I love you, Bae."

"I love you too, my wild swan." He kissed her back, all fiery passion, that consumed her from the tips of her toes, and she basked in the heat, a phoenix reborn from the ashes.

"I don't know how you do it."

"Do what, sweetheart?"

"Make me feel like I'm attractive when I'm the size of a Good Year Blimp and can barely see my feet."

"Because you are, Mrs. Gold." He splayed a hand protectively over her abdomen. "You are beautiful whether you're carrying my baby or not. And we created a whole new life that I can't wait to meet. I just hope I'm ready to be a dad . . .this time from the beginning."

"Well, we have good examples to follow," Emma remarked.

"Yes, and I can always ask Papa for advice when I'm ready to pull my hair out."

"Just breathe. And count to ten," Emma smirked. "That's what he told me one day when I watched Regina and she ended up playing Pocahontas with my nail poilish."

"You have nail polish?" her husband asked, amazed.

"Yeah but only for special occasions. And the little scamp found it and used it to paint herself and my bathroom mirror. Luckily I also had nail polish remover and magic."

"How come I never knew about this?"

"Because you were at that state tournament then, and when you came home all I cared about was getting my husband alone," she answered sultrily.

"That explains it. I'll have to remember that." He ran a hand through his hair agitatedly.

"You'll be fine, Gold. You have more patience than I do."

"Don't sell yourself short, hon," he soothed. "And remember, we'll be raising this kid together. Just like we are with Henry now."

They walked to the window and gazed out at the stars. They sparkled like jewels on a velvet setting, along with the lambent moon. Emma leaned her head on his chest, listening to his heart beating steadily. "Bae?"

"Mmm?"

"This is my second chance to be a mom. I'm afraid . . .I don't want to screw it up."

He carded her hair. "You won't, _mo chridhe._ Believe in yourself. I do."

She smiled up at him, achingly beautiful and vulnerable. "Looks like you've been reading _Outlander_ too, huh?" For he had called her "My heart" in Gaelic.

"I read a few chapters. Jamie's pretty hot from what I've heard online."

"You're hotter, Gold. He's words on a page. _You're_ the real thing." She exhaled softly. "You really believe that, don't you?"

"I do, Emma. It's like Papa always told me. There is no perfect parent . . .or perfect child. But I don't need perfect. All I need . . .is to be loved and forgiven when I screw up." He placed a kiss on her tummy. "Right, baby Gold?"

A fist poked at him.

"Whoa! The little imp's restless tonight," Emma grunted. She rubbed her tummy.

Then she looked around the nursery, which she and Bae had decorated in a Mother Goose theme, because they had no clue what the baby was and wanted to do a theme that could be for either a boy or a girl, since they had opted to be surprised. Emma's unicorn mobile hung over the crib, and a small bassinet on wheels with a beautiful silk drape stood ready in their bedroom for the baby to sleep in once he or she came home.

The furniture was handcarved golden maple, made by Marco, and a Mother Goose cuckoo clock hung on the wall. A lovely cream, gold, and green afghan knitted by Rumple was tucked on the rocking chair beside the changing table, and a swan, crocheted by Alina, was in the crib, as a first stuffed toy.

The aforementioned rocking horse was standing in the corner, beside a bookshelf with classic children's books which had been a gift from Snow and Belle. There were books like _Good Night Moon, Runaway Bunny, Love You Foreve_ r, _The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Children's Book of Fairy Tales,_ and _The Just So Stories._

There was a thick sheepskin rug in the shape of a lamb on the nursery floor, because Bae said he remembered having a rug similar to that when he was a boy.

The dresser was filled with baby clothes and socks and other paraphernalia. Everything was ready to welcome the new addition to his or her home.

Emma yawned. "Think I'm about ready for bed."

"Okay, then let's go, Mother Goose," Bae joked lightly, indicating her slippers.

They slipped into bed, and Bae tucked her in, snuggling next to her in his soft gray shirt and boxers. "Good night, Mom."

"Night, Dad." She returned, throwing him his half of the covers.

They put their hands on her belly and both chanted, "Good night, swan chick."

"Mom, what is this? The Waltons?" Henry called sleepily from his room across the hall.

"Good night, Henry!" they called, laughing.

"Who are you and what've you done with my parents?" he called back sassily.

Emma started laughing. "Like father like son."

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

 _Two nights later:_

It was extremely hot in the bedroom and Emma went to open a window to let the cool night breeze in. In bed, Bae snoozed peacefully, and Henry was at a sleepover at Grace's house, along with Alina, and Hans. Emma checked her watch.

 **3AM**.

She stood at the window a moment, letting the soothing rush of air wash over her, cooling her skin and allowing her sticky nightshirt to dry. The first hints of dawn lit the sky. Feeling a familiar pressure on her bladder, she waddled to the bathroom, wishing that the ache in her back would go away. It had been lingering on and off even though she had put a heating pad on it and taken Tylenol before bed.

She returned to stand at the window again to feel the breeze and suddenly she felt her stomach ripple—like the waves of the ocean. _What the hell?_ A split second later she felt another contraction, and this time she hissed in pain. "Aww hells bells!" She moaned, putting a hand to her back. "You had to pick this time to hatch?"

She could feel the baby moving again, only this time it was moving down, and her stomach suddenly dipped sharply towards the floor. She recalled this sensation with Henry. Putting a hand on her stomach, she panted. "Don't . . .be so impatient, baby. I gotta wake up your dad."

Feeling like a ship under full sail, Emma went and shook Bae's shoulder. "Bae! Wake up!"

"Hmmffggn!"

"Oh Jesus H. Christ!" she snarled, using one of her husband's favorite expressions. " _Baelfire!_ It's time!" she leaned over and yelled that directly in his ear.

"Huh? Emma what the _hell?_ " he yelped, sitting up. Then he saw her standing there and cried, "Oh, holy shit! It's the baby! How far apart are the contractions?"

"Umm . . . let me time them," she said, peering at her wristwatch.

"Okay, you do that and I'll . . .umm . . .get your bag . . ." he babbled, scrambling from the bed.

Emma began breathing, thinking to herself that this wasn't as bad as she remembered.

Bae went and dragged her clothes out of the closet. "Here, Em. Put these on, okay?"

Then he jumped over his sneakers into the bathroom.

His wife gaped at him. "You eat your Wheaties for a midnight snack, Gold? Or maybe you're channeling Bruce Lee?"

A few moments later he emerged, his hair somewhat tamed down. "Contractions! How far apart?" he barked at her as if she were one of his students.

"Five minutes. Calm down, Bae. Before you end up in the hospital for an anxiety attack and then I'll have to borrow your dad's cane," she ordered.

"I'm fine. Just let me get my shoes on and I'll bring the bag down and get the car started."

"Ooh! Damn kid's trying to fly like an eagle!"

"Hang on, babe!" Bae encouraged, the Eagles fight song playing in his head while he tied his sneakers.

Then he made a mad dash for the bag by the door—and tripped over Emma's shoes.

"Jesus H. _Christ!_ " he swore. "Emma, you trying to make me need Papa's cane?"

"No, but Bae—"

"Later. I'm gonna start the car."

"Bae!"

"In a minute! Get dressed, for God's sake!"

" _Baelfire!_ " she yelled. "Dammit, Gold, quit freaking out and put some pants on!"

"Huh?" he froze with his hand outstretched.

"Before I arrest you for indecent exposure, smart guy," the sheriff smirked.

Her husband went red. "Umm . .err . . ."

"Because no one's allowed to see your sexy ass but me," she declared saucily, then doubled over as another contraction rippled through her. " _Hurry!"_

It was at times like these Bae envied his magician papa. He had to snap a finger and his clothes were on pronto.

Bae yanked on his jeans, hopping like a demented rabbit as he tried to pull them on without removing his sneakers.

"Really, Gold? I think _I'd_ better teach the kid how to get dressed."

By the time he got his jeans on, _he_ was panting.

"Don't forget to zip, hon. Don't want those nurses to get a show."

Bae smirked. "They've seen it all before."

"Like hell!" his wife growled. "Don't make me beat you, Gold."

"Yes, dear," he said in his best _humor-her-she's-pregnant_ tones.

"I'm borrowing the cane of doom!" Emma huffed. "Where the hell's my phone?"

"Packed," her husband reported smugly. Then he grabbed the bag and as he darted out the door, called, "Put some pants on, Mrs. Gold! Don't make a doctor sue me for assault."

"Smartass!" Emma gritted her teeth. "Oooh! Dammit, why in hell couldn't _men_ have the labor? Now I _know_ God's a man!"

This labor seemed to be progressing quicker than the last one. At least as far as she remembered.

She sat on the bed and dragged on her maternity pants and top and then Bae's Converse. "Okay, Houston, we have liftoff," she panted, and made her way down the hall.

"The car's warmed up," her husband said. "I'm gonna have some coffee."

"Me too," the sheriff said.

"Thought you were just supposed to suck ice chips."

"That's when the pains get real bad. Right now I need coffee."

"Okay, Mama Bear!" he held up his hands. "Don't bite my head off!"

He went to get another mug out of the cabinet.

Emma scowled and considered doing some damage to another part of his anatomy. Then she sighed. She really didn't want to deprive herself and besides, the baby had been a decision both of them made.

"Let me call the doctor, tell them we're on our way," Bae said after he had given Emma her cup of coffee. He punched in Dr. Jo's answering service.

"Okay, we're good to go," he informed his wife after he hung up.

Emma cradled her mug in her hands. "Not yet, _mo chridhe._ I need to get some caffeine in me."

Bae held the cup as she sipped, as another contraction juddered through her. He kissed her forehead. "You're doing good, Em. You're gonna be okay. It'll be a walk in the park."

"Now you're an expert? Where'd you get your degree, Dr. Gold?"

"From a curse," he joked. "Ready?" he had put his coffee into a travel mug.

"Yeah. Before the swan chick hatches right here. Ahhh, sonuva _bitch!_ "

"Easy, hon. Before the kid's first word is something unmentionable," he chided, and took her arm to guide her out the door.

Emma promptly told him what he could do with unmentionable objects.

They were halfway down the street before Bae slammed on the brakes. "Holy _shit_!"

"What's wrong?" Emma was pale.

"I forgot the bag by the garage door."

He turned around to get it.

Emma had sweat beading her brow. "Stay in there, swan chick. Listen to Mommy."

Bae dashed back into the garage, emerging a moment later with the hospital bag, which he put in the back seat. "Okay, the bus is leaving!"

"Too bad it isn't the Magic School Bus," Emma said, biting her lip hard at the onset of another contraction.

They sped down the road.

"Goddamned lights!" Bae swore as the light turned red.

"You're worried about _me_ and my mouth?"

The light turned green after an interminably long wait.

Bae stepped on the gas.

As the Escape burned rubber down Main Street, a wheel went over a piece of debris in the road.

Suddenly there was a loud _bang!_

The car skidded to a halt.

"Holy _shit!"_ Bae slammed his hands down on the steering wheel. Then he said it again.

"What happened?"

"We blew out a tire. It's like déjà vu! Jesus H. Christ on the cross!"

Emma passed him his phone. "Call your father."

 _Mr. Gold to the rescue,_ she thought desperately. Or so she hoped. Then she began to pray.

 **A/N: For those of you who would like to read or want to know the stories in the Gold Standard series, here they are in chronological order:**

 **To Soothe A Savage Beast (o/s)**

 **Like Herding Cats (o/s)**

 **A Heart Full of Love ( novella prequel to TGS)**

 **The Gold Standard (novel)**

 **Gold's Gift (novella)**

 **Heartfelt (Rumbelle poetry)**

 **Sparkle (o/s)**

 **A Very Golden Vacation (novel)**

 **Regina's Golden Halloween (novella)**

 **Once Upon A Thanksgiving (novella)**

 **A Red, Green, & Gold Christmas (novel)**

 **Gold's Fuzzy Slippers and Life Savers (o/s)**

 **Storytime With Mr. Gold (o/s)**

 **Golden Miracles (novella)**

 **You're Funny, Easter Bunny (novella)**

 **Child's Play: Baby Regal's Revenge (o/s)**

 **Unca Rumple Says (o/s)**

 **Remember When (novella)**

 **Swan Chick (WIP)**


	3. Hatching

**3**

 **Hatching**

Rumple raced down the silent streets of Storybrooke, trying not to run red lights and get pulled over, knowing he needed to get to Bae's dojo without added complications, considering he already had one sitting in the back seat. Regina dozed while looking out the window, she had to come along since Belle would have her hands full with two teething babies and Jimmy would need to help her, and not attempt to watch Regina at the same time. Attempt being the operative word because Jimmy and Regina together were like dynamite and fire, eventually something would explode.

"Unca Rumple, are you gonna deliver the swan chick like you did Daria and Dylan?"

Rumple shook his head. "No, dearie. That was a—special case. We're going to bring Emma to the hospital and let the doctor deliver the baby, which is usually how it's done."

"Aww! But I wanna see it get borned!" she pouted.

"Sorry, Regina. That is _not_ happening," he said firmly, and he was going to do his damndest to see that Emma was delivering at a hospital, the way she wanted to. He never wanted to go through another home birth again.

They pulled up at the dojo a moment later, seven minutes after Rumple had gotten the frantic phone call from Bae that Emma was in labor and his car had a blown out tire, and they were heading back home to wait for him. Luckily, he'd already been awake cuddling his son, and trying to soothe the teething pains so he could sleep. Because his babies had fae traits, he didn't like using magic on them unless absolutely necessary, as the magics tended to collide, and cancel each other out. So he'd been giving Dylan a frozen ring and rubbing Oragel and whiskey on his gums to mitigate the throbbing ache when Bae called.

"Stay in the car!" he ordered Regina, then he got out to see if Emma needed help.

Bae already had Emma's bag in his hand, and went and threw it in the Caddy, before turning to help his wife out of the Escape. "C'mon hon, the cavalry's here."

Emma took her husband's hand and her father-in-law's. "Thank God you're here, Rumple. I texted my dad but they sleep like the dead when Regina's not there." She was panting like a racehorse that had just run the Derby.

"Breathe, dearie. And I'm afraid I had to bring Regina with me, since Belle can't handle two screaming babies and one toddler who drives you to drink. And if I left Jimmy in charge of her, it's anyone's guess if my house would still be standing when I got home." He gave her his arm, ever the gentleman.

Emma chuckled. "Yeah, not a good idea."

Together, they helped her into the Cadillac, after spreading a towel on the seat just in case her water broke on the way there.

"Emma! Emma! Is the swan chick hatching yet?" Regina cried eagerly, half-standing in her booster seat.

"It's getting there, kid."

"Oooh! When can I see it?"

"Later," Emma panted.

"Regina, put that seat belt back on," Rumple ordered, getting in the car.

The little girl slid back into the seat with a thump. "Okay, okay. Don't be an ole grouch!"

Rumple gave her a Look. "Don't sass me, young lady. I have no patience for your shenanigans right now. So unless you want a sore behind and time out . . ."

"Noo!" she whined. Then she saw Bae climb in the car beside her and said, "Bae, when the swan chick's borned, you're gonna be a daddy."

"Yeah, I know," Bae said, and ruffled her hair.

"Whatcha gonna name it?"

As Rumple pulled out of the parking lot, Bae began telling Regina the names they had picked out for the baby.

Emma concentrated on breathing, counting, and not cursing and shouting.

It was now around 5:30 AM and more traffic was on the road, as people had to get up and go to work at the cannery and the docks. Rumple was forced to slam on the breaks several times and honk the horn at the idiots driving.

"Ahh, come on, you—" he bit off what he was about to say.

"Jackass!" Regina filled in helpfully. "Go back to driving school and learn something!"

Bae and Emma started laughing.

"Regina!" Rumple reproved.

"What? Mommy always says that when somebody cuts her off."

"Well, your name's not Mary Margaret, is it?" Rumple asked testily. "Don't repeat everything."

Regina huffed. "Idiots who can't drive oughta be banned from the road."

Five minutes later, they were in a traffic jam because two cars had almost hit each other in the intersection.

"Papa! We're ten minutes from the hospital and going nowhere!" Bae cried.

"Gold, we'd better be going _somewhere_ in two minutes or else you're gonna deliver this baby in the car!" Emma yelped.

"No!" both men cried, panicked.

Rumple swore.

"Ahh, sh-oot!" Emma whimpered. "I think my water just broke."

"Umm, okay, dearie, hang on!" Rumple said, trying to go around the jam.

"What water? Did a water bottle spill on ya?" Regina asked, trying to see.

"Something like that, kid," Emma grunted. Her hands were clenched so hard she left bleeding crescents in her palms. "Bae . . .!"

He reached out and grabbed her hand. "I'm here, sweetheart. How far apart now?"

"Umm . . .they're closer together . . .I think . . ."

"Aww hells! Papa . . .do something!"

"Just what in the bloody blazes d'you think I've _been_ doing?" Rumple snarled. "Oh, Jesus H. _Christ!_ I've had enough of this!"

He placed his hands on the dashboard and suddenly golden light was surrounding the car. "Get ready, dearies. Because if I can't drive us to the hospital, I'm bloody well _flying_ us there!"

"You're _what?"_ Emma gasped.

"Cool! Unca Rumple, make the car fly!" Regina cheered. "Whoo hoo!"

The car suddenly lifted off the ground and soared up into the air, gaining altitude like an albatross in flight.

"Whoa! I can see the whole town!" Regina cheered. "They look like toys."

"Papa, I didn't know you could make a flying Delorian," Bae said, his eyes wide.

"Neither did I, but necessity is the mother of invention," Rumple said. "Speaking of mothers . . .let's get you to the hospital on time, dearie!"

The car began gliding towards Storybrooke General.

"Hurry, Rumple!" Emma groaned. "Oooh damn that was big one!"

Bae rubbed her hand. "Almost there, honey. Umm . . .try to breathe like we learned in Lamaze class."

"I've _been_ trying, Bae! You need to try when something the size of a watermelon is forcing itself out of a hole the size of a grapefruit." Sweat was dripping down her face.

"Emma, are ya laying an egg?"

"I wish!" she called back, trying not to laugh. "I think chickens have it easy."

Rumple was having more trouble than he expected trying to control the car as it flew. It was not as easy as people thought.

The car bounced slightly and Bae went pale. "Papa, dear God, don't let us crash!"

"I'm not. Now hush! I'm concentrating!" Sweat stood out on the sorcerer's brow also.

"Ya know what, Bae?"

"What?"

"We're flying in a car just like the Jetsons!" Regina announced. "Ya ever watch that cartoon?"

"Umm . . .yeah I used to," he answered.

"Hey, Unca Rumple! Maybe the car'll fly better if I sing the song," she proposed. Then she began singing in a very dramatic though on-key voice, the theme song to the popular cartoon. "Meet George Jetson . . ." right in Rumple's ear.

Rumple almost lost control of the car. "Regina! Be quiet, I'm driving, dearie!"

"You're not driving, Unca Rumple, you're _flying_."

Rumple wanted to strangle her. "Don't make me pull this car over! I mean it!"

"Papa, just fly, dammit! Before I have to deliver the baby right here!"

"Oh hell no, Gold! Step on it, Doc Brown!" Emma yelled.

The car surged forward, and a crosswind hit it, causing it to buck for a moment like a rodeo bronc.

"Whee! I'm on a roller coaster!" Regina shrilled. " . . .his daughter Judy . . ." she continued singing.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Bae groaned, he had never done well with turbulence.

"No, you're not!" Emma yelled. "If anyone's gonna be sick, it's _me_. Rumple, any chance you can make us get off this ride? I feel like I'm on Airplane!"

Rumple gulped, for the jouncing wasn't doing his stomach any favors either. He gritted his teeth and forced the car to level out and shot past the crosswind. "There! I can see the hospital now, dearies. Almost there!"

"Jesus, Mary, & Joseph!" Bae prayed. "Thank God, Papa!"

The Cadillac glided smoothly to a halt right in front of the emergency room doors, touching down with a faint jolt on the landing.

"Ten points, Papa!"

"We made it!" hooted Regina.

Behind them an ambulance nearly crashed as it went patrolling by, the driver's eyes bugging out that he'd just seen a Cadillac fly. "Holy _shit_! I've seen a house fly, a horse fly, and a shoo fly, but I ain't never seen a Caddy fly!" He rubbed his eyes. "Need more coffee 'cause I think I'm still dreamin'!"

Bae rushed into the hospital and commandeered a wheelchair. "Here, Em!" he said, and Rumple helped her into it.

"You go inside and I'll park," Rumple said. Luckily, there was a space available right in the front.

When he got inside, holding Regina's hand, a nurse had already assigned Emma a bed, and had paged Dr. Jo to come down.

By the time the doctor arrived, the nurse had taken Emma's vitals, started an IV, and had equipped a fetal heart monitor and placed it on Emma's tummy.

A sound like a washing machine thumping filled the room.

Regina looked around. "What's that?"

"The baby's heart," Emma said, tearing slightly. She had heard the baby's heartbeat before, of course, when they did the ultrasounds, but now when she heard it all she thought about was finally holding her baby.

Bae's own eyes were glassy. "Soon we're gonna be able to see him."

"Her," Emma corrected automatically.

Regina frowned. "Don'tcha know what the baby's gonna be?"

"No. We . . .wanted to be surprised," Bae told her.

"You'll know soon enough, Mr. and Mrs. Gold," said Dr. Jo. "You're about three centimeters, Emma, now let's get you upstairs to maternity." She summoned an orderly and they all wheeled Emma on the gurney into the elevator to third floor maternity.

"Whoa! It's like a hotel!" Regina said upon seeing the room they were brought to.

The room was large, spacious even, with a comfortable bed, curtains on the windows, comfy stuffed chairs, a large TV, a nightstand, rolling table, and attached bathroom. Flowers were on the table.

Bae put the bag down and came over to Dr. Jo. "Do you know how much longer?"

"Well, she's about 3 centimeters, so we have a ways to go yet. Maybe a few hours before she's gonna be able to push. We'll send up some water and ice chips. There's two vending machines and an ice machine just down the hall. When she's dilated, we'll put her in a gown and bring her to the delivery room. And we'll have gowns for you, and your papa, and the little one too so she doesn't feel left out. With caps."

"And what do we do in the meantime?"

"We'll keep checking on her every hour, and there'll be an anesthesiologist to give her the epidural in about two hours, once she's dilated to five centimeters. In the meantime, she can rest, walk around the room, watch TV, whatever she wants to do to keep calm and focused."

"I was afraid she might have the baby on the way here," Bae confessed.

The OB shook her head. "No, not yet. But she's coming along nicely."

Bae returned to Emma, who was sitting on the bed, having been assisted into a hospital gown, though she still had her maternity pants on. "Okay, so why don't we practice our breathing? How are you feeling?"

"Like a dinosaur is trying to get out of me," she answered. Then she took his hand, squeezing it hard when the pains began again.

Bae winced, but said nothing. He blotted her forehead with a tissue and said, "Okay, ready. On three . . ." they counted breaths together, and once she was breathing, the pain lessened and she went to lie down, closing her eyes.

While she rested, Bae called Snow and David again, this time getting a hold of Snow, who had been in the shower. "I'll be right over. But I have to call the school first and tell them to get a sub and David's in a meeting with the town council, so he'll meet us later."

"Your mom's on her way," Bae told Emma, listening to the reassuring whistle of the heart monitor.

"Good. Rub my back?"

Bae went to sit on the other side of the bed, and began rubbing her back, trying to ease her discomfort. As before, his massage helped immensely.

Rumple turned on the TV, trying to find something on suitable for Regina to watch.

Regina, however, eternally curious, wandered out into the hallway and peered at a cart full of supplies parked near the room. "What's that for?" she asked an aide in a purple shirt.

"That's stuff to help new moms get a bath," the aide replied kindly.

"Why? Can't they just take a shower?"

"Well, sometimes the mom's really tired and can't move around much, so we help them," the aide explained.

"Ya mean there's lots of mom's having babies here?"

"Oh yes. They're in all the rooms," the aide gestured.

"Neat!" Regina was about to go into the next room and introduce herself when she heard her uncle calling.

"Come here, dearie," Rumple called. "I found cartoons for you to watch."

With a happy squeal, Regina came to watch Scooby Doo.

Emma shifted around, she was feeling like a leaky faucet and being wired up to all these machines made her feel like she was a science experiment. Then there was the constant contractions. "Hells bells, Bae! I feel like a science experiment that's bleeding all over." She glanced over at Regina. "Should she be in here watching this?"

"She's not watching you, wild swan. She's watching TV. You want some ice chips? Candy?"

"Yes." At that precise moment, a contraction came and she buried her face in the pillow. " _Sonuvbitch!_ When he comes back here, I'm punching him out!" she half-hissed.

Suddenly she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder. "I couldn't do this for Belle, dearie, since the twins were affecting my magic, but . . .how's this feel?"

A sudden warmth surged through her, like the touch of sunlight, and wherever it touched, it soothed the pain down to manageable levels. "Ohhh, my Gold!" Emma sighed in rapture. She turned over and grabbed her father-in-law's hand. "Whatever you did, you are the most amazingly perfect man ever put on the earth!"

Bae dropped the package of Lifesavers on the floor and the ice chips nearly followed. "He's _what?_ " he gaped at his wife, who was looking at his papa like he'd hung the moon. A look she'd _never_ given _him._

"I worked a bit of magic on her, Bae. So she's not feeling much pain," Rumple explained, slightly red.

"Oh, is that all?"

Emma refocused on her husband. "All? _All?_ I oughta deck you, Gold!" her skyblue eyes were sharp as lasers. "You try going through this pain for seven hours or whatever the hell it's been you cousin to a camel's fat arse!"

"Emma, I just meant—"

She half-lunged at him off the bed.

Rumple grabbed her arm. "Easy, dearie. You'll tear out all the wires and that's not a good idea. You can always dismantle him later. Now why don't you relax and enjoy the fact that you're not feeling like someone's chewing up your insides, okay?"

She beamed beatifically at Rumple. "See? _He_ gets it." Then she started to giggle giddily.

Regina woke up from where she'd been dozing. "Emma, what's so funny?"

"Everything!" she chirped. "I feel . . .light as a feather! Like I'm walking on air!" Only Rumple's arm steadying her prevented her from spinning around and around like Julie Andrews in _The Sound of Music_.

Bae rubbed his eyes. "Papa, what in hell? One minute she's ready to rip me apart and now she's— _laughing_?"

"Err . . .that's a side-effect of the pain block spell, dearie. Makes her a little bit loopy."

Regina pressed a button on the TV remote.

 _Babe_ came on and the mice chanted _The Sheep Pig!_

Emma's head swiveled around and she started singing. "La-lal-laa!"

Bae almost wet himself laughing. "Holy crap! It's like she's high!"

Rumple looked a bit embarrassed. "Maybe I should have toned it down a notch."

"No, this is better than her wanting to kick my ass," his son disagreed. He picked up the bag of Life Savers. "Em, want some candy?"

She looked delighted, like a kid at Christmas. He opened the bag and handed her a green one. She shook her head. "No. I don't want the green one. That's for wicked witches. I want . . .the gold one!" she pointed to the yellow Life Saver. "Gold 'cause I'm Mrs. Gold!" She popped it into her mouth. "Mmm!" Then she began to bob back and forth singing, "I'm Walking on Sunshine".

"Papa, where's my phone? I gotta record this!" Bae giggled. He'd never seen his normally serious wife act like this, even when she was drunk.

Regina looked at the Life Savers and blurted, "Least there's no butthole flavor like the one Mr. Clark made me try at his store."

Rumple faced palmed himself in remembrance. That had been the day he'd worn his fuzzy tiger slippers to the store without realizing it.

Bae was giggling so much he sounded like Rumple did when he was the Dark One.

Emma walked up to Bae and took his hands in hers. "Bae, let's play the Minister's Cat, like Bree and Roger in _Drums of Autumn_." She reminded him of a high-as-a-kite teenager. She pulled him back until they were both sitting on the bed. "Okay. You start," she urged. Then she took Rumple and pulled him down to sit on the other side of her. "You can play too, Rumple."

"Um, all right, dearie."

"The minister's cat is an abysmal cat," Bae began.

"The minister's cat is an arrogant cat," Emma said. "Your turn, Rumple.

"The minister's cat is an aerodynamic cat."

"The minister's cat is a brilliant cat," Bae continued.

"The minister's cat is a butt-ugly cat," Emma giggled.

"The minister's cat is a boisterous cat," Rumple added.

Regina yawned. This game was boring! She turned back to the TV, but even _Babe_ didn't hold her interest.

Then she recalled that the nurse had said that there were vending machines with snacks down the hall.

Rumple, Bae, and Emma were now on "F" of describing the minister's cat, and paying no heed to the little girl, who darted over to Rumple's discarded jacket and felt about in the pocket for change for the machine. Instead her tiny hand encountered Gold's billfold. Snatching it without any qualms, she darted out the door.

Behind her, Emma yodeled, "The minister's cat is a gr-r-umpy cat!"

Regina pattered down the hall, her light-up Reeboks blinking like flares as she ran over to the big machines in the alcove. There were three of them, two had candy and snacks and the other was one that looked like a water dispenser.

Regina stood on tiptoe. She couldn't reach the slot to put the bill with Ben Franklin on it inside. Huffing, she went to see if there was anything she could stand on. She saw a chair in the hallway and dragged it over.

Then she climbed on it and shoved the bill in the slot. She figured since there were lots of them in Uncle Rumple's wallet they were dollar bills, since her daddy always said people carried lots of dollars with them.

The machine whirred and blinked.

Regina peered at all the candy and pressed several buttons for the ones she liked best—Reeses, Baby Ruth, Hersheys, and Raisinets.

Abruptly, the machine began spitting out all the candy she had requested, as well as several bills.

"Oooh! I'm rich!" the little girl squealed, and grabbed all her loot.

She then moved the chair to the next machine and proceeded to do it again, getting Lays BBQ chips, Doritos, Fritos, and cheese crackers.

She repeated the process, until the machines quit spitting out money and the two were quite empty.

Then she went and stuffed some of her loot in her pockets and down her shirt. Finding she couldn't carry it all, she found a plastic bag hanging off one of the wheeled carts, took it, and stuffed it full of everything she had gotten from the vending machines.

She turned to skip back to the room and share her snacks but then she passed a room where a woman was lying in a bed, staring at something that looked like prison food on a tray in front of her. "Hey, lady! You wanna Hershey bar?"

The woman looked up to see a little girl standing there. "Sure but . . .who are you?"

"Regina. And that looks 'sgusting." She came and handed the lady the candy. "If that's what they give you to eat here, no wonder ya don't get better."

Five minutes later, the child had visited half the rooms on the east side of maternity, and handed out half of the snacks she had gotten from the vending machine to the patients there.

Becoming hungry herself, Regina headed back to the room.

When she entered, the three adults were still playing the boring game. Regina climbed on a chair and began spreading out the remainder of the snacks on the table.

Bae glanced up after declaring that, "The minister's cat was a ridiculous cat," and almost passed out. "Whoa! What'd you do, buy out the machine?"

Rumple looked up at his son's exclamation. "Bae, what—where in God's name did you get that, dearie?"

Regina looked up, a bag of Doritos in one hand and a Reeses in the other. "I put a dollar in the machine, Unca Rumple! And it gave me all this!"

"A dollar!" Rumple goggled. "I don't think so, dearie! Where did you get the money?"

"Umm . . .I borrowed some," she said, squirming guiltily.

"Borrowed some from whom?" he asked, frowning.

"Your wallet." She held out the billfold. "You got lots of 'em."

Rumple took his billfold back. "Lots of—oh good heavens! You didn't put a dollar in the machines, Regina Nolan! You put a _hundred_ dollars!"

Emma whistled. "So that's why there's so much candy!" she took an M & M's.

"Umm . . .I gave some to the ladies down the hall," Regina admitted. "Cause Mommy always says it's good to share and they had 'sgusting food like jailbirds."

"Uh oh! Looks like someone's been imitating Oliver Twist!" Emma sniggered and ate an M & M.

Rumple stared at all the snacks, then at his niece, and put his hands on his hips. "Regina Nolan, how many times have I told you to keep your sticky fingers to yourself?"

The child hung her head. "But Unca Rumple! I was hungry!"

"Then you should have asked me and I would have gotten you one or two snacks," he lectured. "Not fifty! And you took my wallet without asking. That's called stealing, dearie."

"I put it back!" she objected. "S'only stealing if ya keep it!"

"Don't split hairs with me, miss," the sorcerer said exasperatedly. "You took my money and bought out half the machine!" He tapped a foot on the floor. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

She pouted. Then she sniffled. "Sorry, Unca Rumple!"

"Corner, Regina."

She sulked. "Noo!"

"Shall I count to three?"

She dragged her feet, sniveling. "You're mean! Mean! Mean! MEAN!"

"Five minutes." He timed her on his watch.

When he called her to come out, she was still sulky, and refused to come to him. "I's not talkin' to you!" she sniffed.

"Okay, suit yourself."

"Where's my mom?" Emma muttered. "Shouldn't she be here by now?"

"Let me call her again," Bae said. He pressed redial.

Snow was stuck in traffic, unable to move forward or backward. All because Sleepy had fallen asleep at the wheel and run over Bambi. Now there was a deer lying in the road, Sleepy's truck had been rear-ended, and there was a five car pile-up behind him.

Snow groaned. Clearly she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. She just hoped Emma would understand. Her cell rang.

"Hello? Bae, you'll never guess what happened . . ." she explained the situation. "I'll try and be there as quick as I can. I love you, Emma! You'll be fine, love!" She blew her daughter a kiss over the phone.

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

Another hour passed. The doctor returned to check on Emma again. "You're starting to progress," she told her. The men and Regina were standing in the hallway, giving them some privacy. "You're about 4 centimeters. In another, we can give you the epidural. Would you like anything else for the pain? I could give you Stadol."

Emma shook her head. "No . . .I'm okay," she said, thinking Rumple's spell worked beautifully. She felt distanced from the contractions in her lower half.

"Okay, the baby's doing fine according to what I see here," she gestured to the monitors. "Be back soon. Hang in there. This is the worst part."

Emma exhaled softly as the doctor pulled off her gloves.

"Is the baby okay? Emma, how you doing?" Bae asked as he pulled back the curtain .

"I'm . . .fine, Bae. Just fine! Everything's fine!" she chirped, feeling a strange urge to start singing again. "Bring me some hair clips."

As Bae helped put her hair up, she started warbling, "I feel pretty so pretty-ahh-haa!"

Bae grinned. "You kinda sound like Katie Perry there."

"Unca Rumple, this is taking for-ever!" Regina complained. "Can't ya just magic the swan chick outta her?"

"Afraid not. Babies are something that have to happen on their own," her uncle told her. Even if there were spells to speed up delivery, he didn't know them, nor would he attempt one. It was too dangerous.

Emma was seized with the urge to move. "Let's walk, Bae."

"Okay." He helped her to her feet.

Together, both men and Regina walked with her around the room. They walked around and around, until Emma said she needed to walk in a straight line, then they went into the hallway.

They walked up and down, with the men talking softly to Emma and teasing her about taking her sweet time showing them the newest Gold. Regina followed, pushing the IV stand.

"I remember walking like this when Mama was having the twins," Bae said, his wife's elbow tucked in the crook of his arm.

"Yes, and you started arguing with me and Belle nearly bit off our heads," Rumple recalled.

"Me? _You_ started it!" Bae protested.

Emma shot him an irritated glance. "Knock it off! Before I bang your heads together."

Both men mumbled apologies.

As they passed the nurse's station one smirked and said, "She's gonna make a good mom."

Emma beamed. Then she stopped as another contraction overtook her.

Regina huffed behind them. She was so _bored!_ All they were doing was marching up and down like they were in the army. Back and forth. At first it had been fun, but now she was sick and tired of it.

"I'm gonna go drink my juice box," she told Rumple. The juice box was on the table in the room.

"Okay, dearie," Rumple said, and Regina scurried into the room.

They resumed walking again.

Regina finished her juice box and wandered around the room again. There was nothing interesting to do, Uncle Rumple, Bae, and Emma were still marching, and she didn't feel like watching TV. She wished her mommy were here. They always played fun games on her phone.

She peered out into the hallway and saw a lady being wheeled into the elevator. There was an empty wheelchair across from the elevator.

The elevator doors whoosed shut. Then she heard a nurse say she had to go down to the children's ward and deliver some kind of medicine, and wheeled a computer into the elevator. It dinged and went down.

 _There's other kids in this place?_ Regina thought excitedly. She desperately wanted another kid to play with. She darted out the door, and pressed the button to the elevator.

When the doors swooshed, she hopped into it, it was empty. She pressed the button marked 2 and the doors shut and it went down.

When she walked out of the elevator, she couldn't see any kids around. Just more sterile hallways and women in colored uniforms going back and forth. Deciding this place was better than the other one, she skipped down the hall, peering into the rooms as she went.

Most of the patients in these rooms were asleep, with funny machines beeping and whirring beside them.

She paused beside one door which was open, and saw a man sitting up, with a white bandage around what Regina was sure was his willie. She gaped at it. Why would anyone have a bandage there? Then she recalled going with David to the vet once for Princess's shots and someone in the waiting room saying they had gotten their dog "snipped" and when she asked what that was, her dad had said it was surgery so the boy dogs couldn't have puppies. "It's like when they castrate a stallion," the former princes explained. "They remove their—uh—manly parts."

Her eyes widened. She didn't know they could remove people's manly parts too.

She walked into the room, and said, "Hi! Didja have an operation?"

The man was startled, and he leaped to cover himself. "Who're you?"

"I'm Regina." She pointed to the man's crotch, now covered by the sheet. "Didja get snipped like the dogs? What's it feel like without balls?"

The man turned beet red. "Umm . . err . . . I still have . . .I mean . . ."

"Does it hurt? Did your wife make you do it?"

"Err . . .yes, it does and . . . no we both agreed not to have any more kids . . ."

"Why? Were they ugly dogs? Or did they gots something wrong with them?"

"N-No . . ."

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

Ten minutes later, Emma returned to her room, huffing and puffing. "Okay let's rest."

As they eased her down on the bed, Rumple looked around for Regina.

"Where's Regina?" he asked, a frission of panic beginning to make its way down his backbone.

"Maybe she went to the bathroom?" Bae suggested.

But the bathroom was empty.

Rumple went out into the hall to look for her. She was nowhere to be seen. He went and asked at the desk if they had seen a little girl recently wandering around. "We saw her walking with you, Mr. Gold."

"I know but that was ten minutes ago and now she's missing!" he said frantically. "She went back to the room to get a drink and now she's—gone!"

He felt his heart start racing like a triphammer in his chest.

"Calm down, Mr. Gold. I'm sure we'll find her soon," said a nurse soothingly. "Me and Marcy will help you look."

They began combing the rooms on the maternity wing, looking in each one and asking if anyone had seen a little girl with dark hair and light-up Reeboks recently. They checked the supply closet and carts.

No Regina.

Gold was on the verge of cardiac arrest.

 _How could I have been so careless? I know how that kid likes to wander. She's like the ocean. You can't take your eyes off her. Heaven only knows what she's gotten into._

Intermingled with the guilt and fear was also anger. _When I find that little scamp, I'm going to paddle her behind!_ He was reminded of another time when Alina had gone missing in the supermarket, and how terrified he had been. Fear nearly caused him to hyperventilate, until he recalled he had one thing he hadn't had when he'd been under the Dark Curse. He had his magic.

He murmured a quick locator spell.

The glowing trail led him straight to the elevators.

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

"So how many kids ya got, Mr. Sprat?" Regina asked, now sitting in a chair next to the thin man in the bed.

"Six, and I think that's plenty, so . . ."

"Snip, snip!"

"Regina!" Rumple cried.

The little girl turned to see him standing in the doorway, looking torn between hugging her and strangling her. "Hi, Unca Rumple! I was bored marching so's I came here lookin' for other kids but I found Mr. Sprat instead. He got castrated!"

Mr. Sprat almost passed out.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry," Rumple blurted, horrified.

"No . . . I had a _vasectomy._ " The man corrected. "And my wife went down to get lunch while we waited for the doctor to come back and your little niece came to visit me."

"She does that a lot. Visit people she doesn't even know," Rumple sighed. "I'm sorry she bothered you. She tends to ask a lot of inappropriate questions." He went and picked up Regina. "Young lady, I have been going insane looking for you!" he scolded as he went out of the room. "Why did you wander off like that? You know better!"

"Unca Rumple, I was bored!" she whined. "There ain't nothing to do over there!"

"That's no excuse! You could have been kidnapped!" he snapped. They went up the elevator to the third floor. Privately he thought anybody who kidnapped Regina would probably be begging to give her back after two hours.

"Did you find her?" Emma asked when they returned.

"Yes. Giving the third degree to a poor man with a vasectomy," Rumple sighed.

Emma started laughing. "Oh . . .oh . . .Jesus . . .!"

Bae joined her, nearly knocking over the ice chips.

The only ones not laughing at the moment were Regina and Rumple, who was giving his disobedient niece a Look.

"Unca Rumple, 'm sorry!" she whimpered.

"So am I, dearie, because now I have to punish you," he said with a shade of regret in his tone. "You promised to behave and you broke your deal with me. And you know what that means."

"No!" she wailed.

"Then you shouldn't have wandered off, and especially not into the elevator in a strange place and gone and talked to a strange man. You could have been hurt or kidnapped or . . .even killed and you nearly made my heart explode because I couldn't find you!" he ranted. "And now you're in serious trouble!" he pronounced in grim tones.

Bae winced at those words. "Ouch!"

Emma gave her sister a sad look. "Rumple, do you have to?"

He nodded. "Afraid so, dearie. This is one part of being a parent I never liked. Excuse us." He drew the curtain around the bed, shut the door to the room, cast a silent charm to soundproof the room, then he sat down in the chair across from the bed and placed the now contrite mischievous scamp over his knee.

Regina squirmed. "I'll be good!"

"I hope so. Don't fight me, you'll just get an extra swat."

Four stinging swats later, he cuddled a remorseful sobbing minx against his shoulder. "Next time don't wander off and we won't need to go through this," he remonstrated.

Behind the curtain, Emma whispered to Bae, "How many times did you hear that, huh?"

Bae coughed. "Too many. And that's gonna be us someday."

"But not today." She grimaced. "Damn! I think the pain spell's wearing off." She placed a hand on her tummy. "Kid, sometime today would be a good day to get born!"

The curtain was pulled back and an unhappy Rumple and Regina appeared. "That's one of the worst things you'll ever do as a parent," the sorcerer said.

"Not for you!" the little moppet sniffled. "You ain't the one with a sore butt!"

"No, but I have a sore heart, dearie," he told her softly. "It hurts me more than you."

"Then why do it?"

"Because obviously telling you to stay put didn't work, now did it? So you needed a more pointed reminder. Now be good and don't make me do this again."

"'Kay. M'sorry I scared you."

"You're forgiven, scamp." He kissed her forehead and blotted her face with his handkerchief.

Then he set her down. "Go commiserate with Bae, dearie. He's been where you are before."

"Did you have to remind me, Papa?" his son asked exasperatedly.

Regina ran up to him. "Did Unca Rumple spank you too, Bae?"

"Yeah, and I hated it too. But I learned my lesson." He put an arm around his sister-in-law. "Just like you. And he always hugged me afterwards."

"Unca Rumple's hugs are the bestest!"

"Yeah, I always thought so too," Bae said, and allowed her to snuggle against his knees.

Just then Emma whimpered as the last of the pain spell faded. "Bae . . .I really need that epidural _now_!" She began breathing hard, muttering swear words in her head, since she doubted her parents wanted Regina to come home with an entirely new vocabulary of colorful metaphors.

"Papa, can't you—" Bae began.

Before he could complete his sentence, the anesthesiologist appeared. "Hello, Mrs. Gold! I'm Doctor Butters. Ready for your epidural now?"

"I was ready two hours ago," Emma said with relief. "Stick it in me, doc."

The doctor wheeled a tray with a very large, very long needle over to the bed. "I need you to lie on your side, Mrs. Gold, and stay very still."

Bae stared at the needle in horrified fascination. "You're not gonna . . .stick _that_ in my wife, are you?"

"Oh hell yeah!" Emma agreed.

"Whoa!" Regina cried, also fascinated.

"C'mere, Regina." Rumple took her from Bae. "Why don't we take a look at the paintings n the wall here?" He started to turn around when he heard Bae say, "That looks like a torture device! No way are you gonna stick _that_ in her!"

"Mr. Gold, I assure you," the doctor began.

"Shut up, Gold! Don't listen to him, doc!" Emma hollered. " _He's_ not the one in labor. Just do it!"

"Emma, have you _seen_ the size of that needle! It's like for a horse!"

"Well, I'm almost the _size_ of a horse! Don't start, Bae! Or else I'll tell him to stick you with one too!"

Regina peeked over Rumple's shoulder. "Unca Rumple, will the big needle hurt Emma?"

"Not as much as not having it will, dearie," he assured her.

Just then there was an odd groan and a muffled thump.

"You've got to be _kidding_ me!" they heard Emma groan. "Rumple, where's your cane? Your Karate Kid just passed out!"

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

A few moments later, Bae woke to a hand lightly smacking his face. "Wake up, Sleeping Beauty!"

Bae opened an eye. "Funny, Papa. What happened?"

"You had a case of vapors, dearie," Rumple smirked.

"I _what?"_ He sat up. His father was leaning over him, smirking like a Cheshire cat. "No . . .I _didn't_ . . ." A flush crept up the back of his neck.

"Afraid so, Bruce Lee," Emma said from where she was lying. "And you wanted to deliver me at home?"

"That was different! I didn't think it would bother me so much . . .and then it did . . .and that damned big ass needle . . .!" He rubbed his hand over his eyes, chagrined. "Did it hurt?"

Emma shook her head. "Nope. Felt wonderful! Now . . .let's get this show on the road!"

Bae went to get into a gown and a cap, and Regina insisted on wearing one too.

Things went really quickly after that for some strange reason, and soon Emma was fully effaced and they were wheeling her into the delivery room when Snow finally arrived. "Mom! You made it!"

"Thank goodness! Hang on, I need to drop this stuff off," she panted, throwing her purse on a chair, saying hello to Rumple, who was holding a snoozing Regina, and pulling on her own cap, gown, and mask. "Okay, I'm going in!"

"Good luck, dearie!" Rumple waved.

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

Emma found she couldn't really remember all the details of giving birth to Henry, except bright lights and blue scrubs. And being chained to the bed. The only things different this go round was she wasn't in any real pain, her mother was there and so was Bae. Her family surrounded her, giving her their love and support.

Bae clasped her hand. "You can do this, Em. I believe in you."

She gave him a tired smile. "I know. Just don't pass out on me again, Bae."

"Again?" Snow gasped.

"Tell you later, Mom. I feel like I have to push."

She braced herself in the stirrups.

"Go ahead, Emma," urged Dr. Jo. "Push!"

"C'mon, honey, you can do it!" Snow urged.

Emma paused, panting.

"You're doing good, wild swan," Bae encouraged. He wished there was something else he could _do_ to help her, but as with Belle's birth he really could do nothing more except watch in awe as his wife delivered their baby, their miracle, their swan chick.

"Why can't we lay eggs?" she cried.

The labor and delivery staff cracked up.

Snow patted her hand. "That's my girl, Emma!"

Emma scowled and pushed again.

"Good! I can see the top of the head!"

Emma bore down again.

"Head's out," announced the doctor. "Now slow down. Don't push."

Emma panted. "Why?"

"Just wait . . .wait . . ."

Snow squeezed her hand. "It's almost over, Emma."

"And . . .you'll be holding your grandchild," her daughter smiled.

"I love you, Emma," Bae said from her other side, ignoring the fact that he couldn't feel his hand anymore since she had crushed it in a vice like grip.

"Love you too, Bae. Stay with me."

"Always."

He bent and gave her a kiss, one brief affirmation of his enduring love for her.

She was tired, so very tired, but the kiss gave her renewed energy and determination. She _could_ do this. She took the strength of his love and hers for him and used it to grant her the strength she needed.

She felt another contraction ripple through her. "Now?"

"Now! One . . . two . . .three!"

Two pushes later, the swan chick was born.

Dr. Jo quickly swabbed out the tiny nose and mouth before announcing, "You have yourselves a pretty little lass, Emma and Bae!"

A strident wail filled the air.

Bae had tears streaming down his face. It was the sweetest music he'd ever heard. "A girl! It's a girl, Emma!"

"Can I see her?" the new mom asked, also teary eyed.

"Here you go," the doctor laid the tiny girl on Emma's stomach.

Emma reached for her, and the baby clasped her hand. Blue eyes met indigo and an overwhelming wave of love swept through her. "Hello, swan chick. I'm your Mommy."

The baby made a soft cooing noise, recognizing her voice.

In that instant, Emma bonded with her daughter, cradling her to her breast, unmindful of the fluids covering her. _My baby. Mine. And I'll love you forever._

This was what she had not allowed herself to do with her son . . .but this time was different. This time . . .no one was taking her baby away.

"Isn't she beautiful?" she asked Bae.

"Yeah. Look she has your eyes," he said, half-whispering.

"And your Stiltskin nose."

"Your chin. Stubborn."

"But your hair. It's cocoa colored."

Dr. Jo held out scissors. "Would you like to cut the cord, Papa?"

Bae did so, a little hesitantly, after she had tied it off. "Welcome to Storybrooke, baby Gold."

One of the nurses was there to take the baby to get cleaned up and her weight and height recorded along with other things.

Bae took half a step forward, not wanting the baby out of his sight.

"We have just a little more to do, Emma," the OB encouraged.

Bae kept his eyes on Emma as she delivered the afterbirth. "I don't wanna see you deliver your stomach," he joked.

"You're a riot, Gold. Be glad we're not some tribal culture where they made the father eat it." Emma said tartly.

"Emma! That's just disgusting!" Bae declared turning slightly green. Then he poked her. "You did that on purpose!"

She smirked. "Yeah, but you did good, Gold."

"No. _We_ did good," he corrected, and kissed her.

Soon the nurse returned with the baby in her arms, and said, "Say hi to your daddy, pretty girl."

Bae took the baby in his arms, marveling at how light and yet solid she was. She cooed and gurgled, her skin now a rosy pink, her eyes blinking sleepily. "Hey, sweetling," he crooned. "Your daddy's here. Right here."

He leaned over to brush her petal soft head with his lips.

And felt her tiny hand close over his nose in what was seemingly a Gold family tradition, started by himself thirty years ago.

 _Mine._

He felt the same overwhelming protective all-encompassing love he did with Henry, though this was even more acute, because his baby girl was so helpless. And in that instant he knew two things—he would love this baby forever and he would die for her, without even batting an eye. "Hello, _mo cridhe,_ " he murmured. "My heart belongs to you."

Holding her close, he rocked her back and forth. She was the daughter of two heritages, royal and magical, and a child of two worlds. But best of all, she was daddy's little girl. Filled with a joy he could not even begin to express, Baelfire Gold grinned, gazing down at the tiny miracle in his arms, true love made flesh. _My precious swan chick. Daddy loves you, my dear heart._

 **A/N: For all of you who guessed "Dumbo" as the movie that inspired the last chapter's title, you're correct! Gold star for ya! How did you like this chapter?**

 **You'll find out the baby's name in the next one, and see how Regina reacts to her new niece! Thanks everyone for all your support!**


	4. Welcome to Storybrooke Baby Gold!

**4**

 **Welcome to Storybrooke Baby Gold**

While Emma was being cleaned up and her granddaughter being held by her proud papa, Snow decided to go and tell the anxious Rumple and Regina the good news. So she left the delivery room and returned to the maternity room where Rumple sat on a chair, munching on some potato chips and drinking Evian while Regina slept curled up on his shoulder. Snow grinned at the sight, thinking that anyone who thought Mr. Gold a cold-hearted man had never seen the _real_ Mr. Gold at all, only his cursed persona, and even then he had not been as bad as everyone thought.

"Hey, Grandpa, guess what?"

Rumple looked up. "How is she? And the baby?"

"Emma's doing fine, she came through with flying colors. And we have a new granddaughter," Snow said, beaming. She came and hugged Rumple. "And Bae is just . . .totally utterly besotted."

Rumple grinned too, careful not to dislodge Regina. "I'm so happy for them. For a moment I was afraid my son was going to pass out again, but he didn't, did he?"

"No. And what do you mean—again?"

"He had a wee bit of a problem with Emma getting her epidural, dearie. It scared him stiff . . .and he fainted." Rumple reported, snickering. "Ah Bae! He's brave as a lion when it comes to people trying to kill him with swords, sticks, and whatever, but he gets sick when it comes to people he loves being hurt."

Snow cocked her head. "Like father, like son then, because I know you're hardly any better with Belle sick."

"True, dearie. I just hide it better. Then again, I've seen a lot worse than he has," Rumple said. "So how's my wee grandbaby?"

"She's beautiful, Rumple! Wait till you see her," Snow sighed in rapture. "She reminds me of Emma a little, but she has the Gold hair and nose . . . and I hope Regina isn't jealous when she sees her. Because now we have a new baby to fuss over."

"All kids go through a brief period of jealousy, dearie. It's perfectly normal. But this will be good practice for her because in a few months you'll have a new baby too. Regina just needs to feel like she's needed and wanted and the jealousy will go away. It's why when she comes over my house now, I have her help do things with Belle and me with the twins. Speaking of, I'd better check and see how they're doing, and tell Belle about her new granddaughter."

He pulled out his cell.

As he was talking to Belle, Regina woke up. "Mommy! Is the swan chick borned yet?" she asked as soon as she saw Snow.

"Yes, and guess what? You're an aunt," Snow said, taking her daughter from Rumple and hugging her.

"Cool! Now I'm Auntie Regina! What's the baby's name?"

"Well, I don't know yet. Emma and Bae haven't told me. But you have a new niece."

"The swan chick's a girl?"

"Yes, she is! And you can play with her when she's older."

"Like Daria and Dylan, right?"

"Right. And our baby too when it's born."

Regina looked excited at this prospect. "I'm gonna teach 'em everything I know . . .but I'm not gonna teach 'em to borrow Unca Rumple's wallet. Or go 'sploring an' make Unca Rumple's heart 'splode."

"You _what?"_ Snow frowned. "Rumple, she took your wallet? And she ran off on you again?"

"Afraid so, dearie. That's where all these snacks came from," he gestured at the table. "And she was bored and I wasn't paying attention so she wandered into the elevator and found poor Mr. Sprat and gave him the third degree about his vasectomy."

Snow covered her hand with her mouth. "Oh . . .oh my word!" she giggled. Then she regained her composure. "Regina Nolan, you know better than to do those naughty things. I know we've talked about touching things that aren't yours and wandering away."

The little girl hung her head. "Sorry, Mommy. Unca Rumple already yelled at me an' spanked me."

Snow sighed gustily. "He should've!" She looked apologetically at Rumple. "I'm sorry she always seems to misbehave for you, Rumple."

"Like she doesn't with you?" he countered.

"No, but . . ." she set her daughter down and Regina went to watch cartoons. "She's a lot more . . .stubborn and . . .err . . .defiant than I remember being at that age. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm not being strict enough but . . .I don't want to be a monster like Cora."

"You won't be, Snow," Rumple reassured her. "Cora had no sense of restraint or any idea of what real discipline was like as opposed to abuse. You do. David does. And I sure as hell do. You know what kind of memories she had of Cora before I removed them. Regina is just being Regina—a bossypants toddler who will eventually grow up to drive us not so insane."

"I hope. By the time she's sixteen, she'll probably be giving us heart failure in a whole different way," Snow laughed.

"You'd better believe it. And David better recall where he put his shotgun," Rumple giggled. "I'm considering bringing mine to Hawaii—hidden with magic, because I'm sure I'm going to need it and my cane!"

"You're still planning on doing that for her sixteenth birthday?"

"Snow White, I made a deal with her, and you know I don't break deals, dearie," Rumple informed her. "A promise is a promise."

She patted his arm. "I'll be sure to remember to pray the rosary for you every night."

"Thanks, because I think I'm gonna need it. Either that or divine intervention," he sighed. God help them all when Regina was old enough to date! He was sure after the Hawaii trip his hair was going to be snow white. If he wasn't detained and arrested for bludgeoning some over-amorous boy with his cane.

But right then the perils of a teenage Regina were far away in the future and all he wanted was to see his new grandchild.

Several minutes later, Emma was wheeled into the room and Bae was with her. A nurse followed with the baby in a small pink kimono and blanket.

"Can I see? Can I see?" Regina exclaimed, almost getting run over by the gurney.

Rumple snagged her before they had another reason for a hospital stay. "Wait just a minute, you little scamp!" he ordered. "And no shouting."

"Regina—inside voice," Snow ordered. "Remember? You could scare the baby," she reproved. "And ladies don't screech like fishwives." An instant later she started giggling because that was something she recalled her own mother saying to her. She supposed it was true what they said—when you had kids you turned into your parents a little bit.

"Okay," the toddler sighed, moderating her tone down a few decibels.

Bae helped Emma into bed, she was already yawning. He tucked the blankets about her, then asked if she needed anything, like water or was cold.

"I'm okay, Bae, just tired," she murmured. Having nursed the baby soon after being cleaned up, her breasts were no longer aching and she was ready to pass out. But first she wanted to see how Regina and Rumple liked the baby.

As the orderly wheeled the gurney away, the pediatric nurse came and placed the baby in Emma's arms. "Here you go, Mom."

Emma took the baby and instinctively cuddled her close. Her daughter snuggled against her and made some odd little suckling noises. "Regina, now you can come and say hi to Ilyssa Maria Gold." She smiled at Snow. "I figured Maria was close to Mary and Ilyssa means "noble" and "truthful" so it was a good name for her, considering my heritage and my magic."

"It's a lovely name, Emma," Snow said, touched. "And she is a beautiful baby." She bent to kiss her granddaughter. "Hello there, little one."

Baby Ilyssa gurgled and waved a fist at her grandma.

Snow grabbed her cell and snapped a picture. "Let me call your dad and see if he's on his way," she said, and stepped aside to ring her husband. She also texted him with the picture.

"Emma, _now_ can I see the swan chick?" Regina asked, pulling free of Rumple to peer over the bed.

"Here she is," Emma gently tilted the baby so Regina could see her.

Regina stared at the baby for a moment, then blurted, "But where's her wings n' feathers? If she's a swan chick where'd they go? And why's she almost bald?"

"Err . . .because some babies are born with a lot of hair and some aren't," Bae replied, laughing. "Don't worry, her hair will grow in." His daughter had a small fuzzy patch of dark blond hair covering her head.

"And she's a _baby_ , Regina, not a swan," Emma chuckled. Kids!

Regina pouted. "Aww! But I wanted her to have wings! Like those baby angels in church!"

"Dearie, those were cherubs, and not the same thing," Rumple remonstrated. "But isn't she a lovely wee thing? Very alert and responsive."

Regina nodded. "Yeah, and she's not as wrinkled and overcooked like Daria and Dylan were," she replied with complete honesty.

Rumple's eyebrow rose into his hair. "Excuse me? My twins were not— _overcooked_ , miss."

"They looked it. But they don't now." His niece answered. She studied the baby again. "Well, least ya gots blue eyes."

The baby burbled and held out a fist.

Regina climbed up on the bed and took the baby's hand in hers. "Hello, Ilyssa. I'm your Aunt Regina, and when you gets bigger we're gonna do cool things together, like play in your other aunt Alina's treehouse with Dylan and Daria." She frowned. "Hey . . .aren't Dylan and Daria her aunt n' uncle too?"

"They are, snippet," Bae agreed. "Kind of confusing, isn't it?"

"Does that mean she's gonna call them aunt too?" Regina asked, not wanting to share the coveted title with anyone.

"Probably not, since they're the same age almost, they'll be almost like siblings," Rumple replied. "But she could call you that, dearie. And Alina, if she wishes."

Regina looked pleased. "Yup. Cause I'm bigger and smarter and stuff. Ya hear that, swan chick? I'm the big _Aunt_ , and I'm gonna learn ya all I know," she said, imitating some of the Westerns she watched sometimes on TV with Rumple and David.

"Papa, somebody shoot me," Bae joked.

Regina cast Bae a baleful look. "Don't say that, Bae! Then the swan chick will have no daddy and cry! What's wrong with you?"

"I was kidding!" he protested. Though he prayed that his daughter wouldn't be quite so bossy, loud, and opinionated.

The baby let out a squawk, and Regina immediately lowered her voice, remembering her mom's admonishment. "Sorry, Ilyssa. Didn't mean to scare you. Guess swan chicks have good ears even if you don't gots feathers yet." She kissed the baby on the head.

" _F-Feathers!_ " Emma sputtered. "Kid, she's not gonna have feathers—"

"Uh huh," Regina said with the utter certainty of her three-and-a-half years. "They just haven't grown yet, like her hair."

Snow opened her mouth to correct her daughter's misconception when Rumple spoke. "Dearie, why do you think Ilyssa will grow feathers?"

"Cause it's in the story, Unca Rumple," the toddler pointed out, as if it were obvious and why was he being so dense? "You know, the one about the swan princess Odette."

"Regina, that was a story," her uncle began. "And Odette was cursed to become a swan. Remember how we talked about real and make believe the other day?"

"Yeah, but _you're_ a story too, Unca Rumple. And so's Mommy and Daddy." She pointed out logically. "You're all in the Once Upon a Time book. Henry showed me."

"She's got you there, Rumple," Snow snickered, amazed by her daughter's cleverness.

"Yes, but . . .the swan princess story isn't real," Rumple tried to explain. "So I doubt if Ilyssa will be sprouting feathers anytime soon, dearie."

Regina crossed her arms over her chest. "Uh huh!" she insisted stubbornly. "Just wait."

Bae smirked. "Can't tell her anything, Papa."

Rumple snorted. "Sounds like another little boy I knew."

"I was never that bad!" his son objected.

"No? I beg to differ. _I_ remember things you've forgotten," his papa pointed out.

"Or you think you do," his son snickered. "Selective memory."

"I'll selectively forget you're too old to get a swat, dearie," his father threatened, waving his cane at his son.

"Papa, my God!"

Regina exploded into giggles. "That'd be funny, Unca Rumple!"

In Emma's arms, the baby made agreeing cooing sounds.

"See? Even the swan chick says so."

"I don't believe this!" Bae groaned. "Not even an hour old and already she's in cahoots with the little imp here."

"Be prepared, Bae. Because something tells me this pretty little girl is gonna give you a run for your money," Snow grinned.

"If she's anything like her papa, she sure will," Rumple agreed. "Regina, move over, dearie, and let me see my granddaughter."

Regina hopped down so Rumple could see Ilyssa.

The master magician leaned over and smiled at the baby. "What a fine wee darling you are," he cooed at her. He could already see an aura with his sorcerer's sight, and it glowed strongly, white, green, and purple. "You're too young yet, dearie, for me to determine what magical talent you'll have, but you'll have one. Maybe several," he mused.

"You're sure about that, Rumple?" asked Emma, peering at the baby.

"As sure as my name is Rumplestiltskin," he answered. "Look at her aura, Emma."

Emma did, and whispered, "Oh yeah, but . . .I can't figure out what she'll have either."

"She's too little yet. But a True Love baby will always have some form of magic," her teacher answered.

"I know what she's gonna have!" Regina declared. "She's gonna become a swan!"

"We'll see, minx," Rumple laughed. Once Regina got an idea in her head . . . "May I hold her, Emma?"

"Sure, Grandpa," Emma grinned, and let the old sorcerer take the baby from her.

Rumple held his granddaughter expertly, and murmured, "You are well named, dearie." He rocked the baby a little. Ilyssa gazed up at him with wide knowing eyes. "You are, like your brother, a child of two heritages and two worlds. And may you know the best of both." He removed a hand and flourished it above her, tracing a few arcane symbols in the air. They glowed with a purple light before they drifted about the baby in gentle sparks. "I, Archmagus Rumplestiltskin Gold, bless thee, Ilyssa Maria, child of my blood, and vow to protect and love thee always. May the four elements bear witness, that I place this blessing upon thee, of protection and seal thee to me, so that none shall be able to take thee away that I shall not find thee, and no evil spell touch thee that I cannot break. True Love's daughter, now receive True Love's kiss." He bent and kissed his granddaughter on the forehead and for an instant white light flared about her.

When it died, those watching saw Ilyssa's infant hand closed over her grandpa's nose, mirroring another baby long ago.

"She did that to me too, Papa," Bae exclaimed.

A startled Rumple blinked back tears. "Oh, this lass is a Gold all right. Because _you_ did the same thing to me when you were a baby, Baelfire. The very same thing." He stroked the baby's petal soft cheek.

Ilyssa transferred her grip to his finger.

"Papa, what you did to her . . ." Bae began.

"Is a blessing I put upon my twins, and will on Snow's baby also, if you like," Rumple explained. "So no one can harm or kidnap her and not be able to be found by me and any spells broken."

"Why'd anybody want to kidnap a baby?" Regina asked, frowning.

"You never know, dearie," Rumple said darkly, thinking of Cora Mills, searching for a way to come here to this world and wreak havoc.

Bae met his eyes, knowing exactly what Rumple was thinking of. He flexed his fists unconsciously. If that witch dared to set one foot near his daughter he would end her spellcasting days for good and all. Once they had discovered from Jimmy that Cora was trying to invade Storybrooke, Rumple and Emma together had worked on a special uniform for Bae that would render him immune to dark magic castings . . . and enchanted his bo staff, sai, and katana to do double the harm to dark magicians if he faced one in combat. And even without weapons, his hands and feet were still deadly, especially since most dark mages never thought to guard against karate attacks only weapons. In fact, catch a mage by surprise and you could incapacitate them easily.

Rumple and Emma had also placed wards about the town—warning systems that would let them know Storybrooke had been invaded and by whom and when. Cora would not catch them unaware like she planned, or the Joneses either.

"Nothing's going to hurt _my_ baby," Bae stated quietly.

"No, not while we both are alive," Emma declared.

Snow nodded. "I would be happy to have you bless my baby, Rumple. But have you placed similar spells on Regina and Henry?"

"Yes," he replied. "All of our children are protected," the archmage assured her.

"And Unca Rumple kicks everybody's butt!" Regina shrilled.

Ilyssa wailed in agreement.

"Hush, wee sprite!" her grandfather crooned to her, gently rocking her. "'Tis a lot of noise your aunt makes, but she's naught to be scared of." He made a ridiculous face at her.

Ilyssa stopped crying and stared at him. Then she made a sound approximately like a giggle and reached out both hands to touch his cheeks.

As she patted his cheeks, Rumple sang in a silly singsong voice, "Pat-a-cake Pat-a-cake baker's man! Bake me a cake as fast as ye can!"

"Pat it and roll it and mark it with B!" Regina sang along. "And put it in the oven for Lyssa and me! Yay!" she clapped her hands.

Ilyssa squealed, liking the song.

"I didn't scare her that time, did I, Mommy?" Regina asked Snow.

"No, sweetie. You were very good, singing to her like that," Snow praised. "I hope you'll sing to our baby like that too once he or she is born."

"I will. And it's gonna be a boy. Cause that's what I wished for."

"The queen has spoken," Emma smirked.

"Yup! But I'm a _princess!_ " Regina corrected.

"You're a pain in the butt," Bae teased.

He was rewarded with one of her Royal Awful Looks.

"But we love you anyway, dearie," Rumple added. "Just like we do all our children." Bae snapped a picture of him and his granddaughter, then Rumple handed Ilyssa back to her dad.

"Speaking of kids, I'd better text Henry," Emma said and reached for her phone.

"And I'd better call Alina," Rumple said. He texted her and Jimmy.

By the time they had finished informing the rest of the family of the good news, David arrived, carrying a large bouquet of flowers for Emma and large pink unicorn for his new granddaughter. "How's my girls?" he greeted his daughter and new arrival.

"We're good. Tired—but happy," Emma smiled at him, accepting his hug and kiss. "Those are beautiful."

"Rainbow flowers and unicorns for my princesses," David declared, beaming, as he set the flowers down on the table amid the myriad of snacks littering it.

"Hey! _I'm_ your princess too!" a little voice cried indignantly.

David glanced down to see Regina glaring at him.

 _Uh oh! Someone's jealous!_ Bae thought wryly. He thanked God Henry was too old and not of a temperament to resent his smaller sibling. But Regina was still a baby herself and she had been the center of David and Mary Margaret's world until just now.

 _Tread carefully, dearie,_ Rumple thought. _Regina's rather thin skinned and not inclined to share your affection very well._ He recalled quite well the occasional tantrums she had thrown with him and Belle when she had stayed over his house since the twins had been born. Tantrums born of frustration and anger that she no longer had his undivided attention. It had taken both him and Belle many hours to get her to understand that just because they had the twins as priorities now, didn't mean they loved Regina any less, and he had tried to give Regina small tasks to help out so she felt wanted and needed by them, but as a big girl now. It had worked, so far. Though Rumple always watched his niece carefully around the twins.

David knelt and hugged his small daughter. "You'll always be my princess, Regina," he told her. "Only now I have _three_ of them to love."

"Does that mean you love the baby better?" she pouted.

"No, because what have Mommy and I told you about love?"

"Umm . . . that love never ends and you can love lots of people because your heart has room for everyone," she recited.

"That's right! You're so smart," her dad grinned, tweaking her nose. "And you can teach the baby that when she's old enough to understand. Because now you're a big girl, and can share your love and knowledge with—err . . .what's the baby's name? Your Mommy forgot to tell me."

Regina groaned. "Mo-om!" she shook her head. "Daddy, the baby's called Ilyssa Maria Gold."

"That's a lovely name," Charming said. Then he continued. "—so you can share your love and knowledge with Ilyssa now. Can you do that, Regina?"

The little girl thought about it. Slowly, she nodded. She liked being a big girl and looked up to by the younger child. "Okay, Daddy!"

"That's my girl! And you can teach our baby too when he gets here," David reminded her. Both he and Snow were doing their best to prepare their small imp for the baby's arrival as much as they could. Now that Emma's baby was born, they could also use Ilyssa to show Regina what to expect when their baby was born.

"Yup." She took his hand. "C'mon, Daddy, you need to say hi to Lyssa." She pulled him over to where Bae was sitting with the baby. "She's a swan chick only she don't gots no feathers yet."

"I see," David's mouth twitched. He peered down at his new granddaughter. "Well, hello there, sweet thing! You know what? You look just like your mom when she was born. She was almost bald too, and she had the biggest blue eyes."

"Gee, thanks, Dad," Emma said. "I'm not sure if I ought to be flattered or insulted."

"Flattered, Em. Because that's the only embarrassing memory he has of you," Bae remarked. "Unlike me, who has Mr. Wizard there who remembers tons of horribly embarrassing things about me."

Emma eyed Gold thoughtfully. "Hey, Rumple . . .how about you and I go grab a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue one day and share some memories?"

"No! Emma, don't you dare!" her husband yelped.

Rumple chuckled evilly. "Sounds good to me, dearie."

"Papa, that's blackmail!"

"Is it? I'm not charging anyone anything," he said innocently.

"Where's a forgetting potion when you need one?" his son moaned.

"Come to Gramps, chickie," David said, and picked up Ilyssa, holding her to him. He recalled another day long ago when he had held her mother this same way—before being forced to put her in a wardrobe to save her from the ravages of a Dark Curse. But this baby he would never have to give up, because her best chance was right here, with her family who loved her.

Emma smiled at the picture of her dad holding her baby and wondered if this was how he had been with her. _What goes around comes around,_ she thought, and felt her eyes drift shut. Within moments she was asleep.

David looked down and saw that his grandbaby was asleep also. "Guess getting born wears you out, huh?" he tickled her under the chin.

"Yup, it does," Regina piped up.

"Like you would know, dearie."

"I _do_ know, Unca Rumple!"

"How?"

"Dylan n' Daria said so!" the child declared authoritatively.

"Really, dearie? Now you speak babble?" her uncle twitted gently.

"Yeah. Cause I'm a kid, and only grown-ups are clueless!" she returned spiritedly.

Snow smothered a giggle and took a picture of David and Ilyssa on her phone.

"Only you'd get away saying that to Papa," Alina said as she entered the room with Henry, having been dropped off at the hospital by Alice before she had to go shopping.

"Henry! The swan chick's borned!" squealed Regina, running over to him and grabbing him around the knees.

"Yeah, I know. Dad told me," Henry smiled, and hugged the little girl who had once been his mom and now was his aunt. Then he went to see his little sister, who was being held by David. "Whoa! She's bigger than the twins when they were born, Alina."

Alina smirked, "That's 'cause twins are always smaller than one baby. How much does she weigh?"

"She's seven pounds, three ounces and twenty inches long," Bae told his sister. "Like a little turkey breast."

"Eeew! Bae, she ain't a turkey! She's a swan!" objected Regina.

"Can I hold her?" Henry asked, and David handed him his newborn sister.

"Be careful, Henry," he cautioned. "You need to—"

"I know, Gramps. Remember, I held the twins when they were first born," Henry reminded him, and he took the sleepy baby in his arms. "Hey, baby sister, wake up and say hi to your big brother. I'm Henry."

Ilyssa's eyelids fluttered and she yawned and looked up at him.

"Yeah, you have Mom's eyes. She always looks like that when she's half-asleep," Henry told his sibling. He kissed her cheek. "Welcome to Storybrooke, baby Gold."

"Her name's Ilyssa Maria, Henry," Bae told him, and then he took several pictures of his two children together.

Henry smiled, holding his now slumbering sister, who could fit in his arm like a cat. Then Regina climbed up by him and gave him a hug. He put an arm around her and then Rumple snapped a picture of the three of them together—the sassy imp, his intrepid grandson, and his swan chick—the next generation of Storybrooke.

 **A/N:next up- swan chick comes home-and what new trials and laughs will the new parents face? Are Bae and Emma ready for a newborn? And will Rumple be driven crazy by new parent anxiety? What do you think?**


	5. Adventures in Parenting

**5**

 **Adventures in Parenting**

A day after Ilyssa was born, the doctors and hospital staff pronounced her and Emma well enough to return home. "Are you sure you don't want me to come and stay for a few days?" Snow offered. "I can take time off, I have some vacation left, honey."

"No, Mom, that's okay. You might need that extra vacation when your baby's born," Emma said, trying not to sound nervous. "Bae and I have helped take care of Belle and Rumple's babies so we've got this."

"Okay, but you know you can call me on my cell if you need me."

"Bae, are you sure you'll be okay?" Belle asked him.

"We'll be fine, Mama. I've read the whole book _What To Expect When Your Baby Comes Home_ ten times," Bae told her. "And if I need to ask a question I have yours, Papa's, and David's numbers."

"If you're sure," Belle said, recalling all her own mishaps with her own children. She had thanked God many times over for her husband's experience those first few months . . . and especially the first few weeks.

"Bae, if you have any questions—" Rumple began.

"I have you on speed dial, Papa. And you already taught me how to burp a baby, give it a bottle, and I've changed both Dylan and Daria." Bae reassured him. He was sure he was well prepared for anything Ilyssa threw at him.

Rumple was raising an eyebrow in disbelief. "Dearie, you've watched your brother and sister for a few hours at a time, for a day or two a month since they've been born. And you think you're an expert?"

"I'm a quick learner," Bae said breezily. He wasn't nervous at all, he told himself.

Rumple exchanged glances with Belle. "If you say so," he said dryly, thinking his son had _no_ clue what he was in for.

After they had buckled Ilyssa into her car seat and clipped it into its base in the Escape, with Henry next to her and all the paraphernalia and gifts they had gotten from the hospital staff and friends stowed in the trunk, the new family of four was on their way back to Fire Mountain—home again, home again, jiggety jig.

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

 _Two days later:_

It seemed as though Emma had just fallen asleep at five o'clock in the morning when Ilyssa's shrill wail awoke her at seven AM. "Aww, kid, you just ate!" she groaned, and dragged herself out of bed to get her crying newborn, who slept in the bassinet beside their bed. Her husband was already downstairs doing katas, for some reason _he_ was bright eyed and bushy tailed, probably because he hadn't gotten up two hours in a row to feed the baby, she thought irritably.

She took the nursing pillow and brought it into the living room, because she wanted a change of scenery and was sick of looking at the bedroom wall, and she wanted to support her back better while she nursed. She carried her wailing baby daughter into the living room, sat on the couch and with the nursing pillow to support her rather floppy newborn, unbuttoned her maternity pajama top to nurse.

The baby was crying so much, she was beet red and Emma rocked her and murmured, "Hey, swan chick, calm down. Look, breakfast is served. Or whatever this is. Maybe second breakfast, like with hobbits."

Ilyssa stopped wailing so much and began nuzzling and rooting, but for some reason refused to latch on. Emma jiggled herself and said, "C'mon kid, it's right here."

Ilyssa grizzled and nuzzled, but wouldn't suck.

Emma groaned. "Baby, the milk's right here, now why don't you drink?"

Her daughter began to cry again, frustrated.

Emma yawned, she felt like she needed an injection of caffeine right into her vein. "Henry!" she called to her son, who should have been getting up to go to school by now.

"Yeah, Ma?"

"You mind making me a cup of coffee?"

"Sure, gimme a sec."

She heard her son go into the kitchen and the soft gurgle of their iCoffee maker turn on to make a cup of joe. Soon the smell of fresh coffee permeated the air and Emma breathed it in, imagining drinking it, as she tried again to get her finicky newborn to nurse.

"Aww, c'mon, Ilyssa!" she moaned, offering the baby her breast again. "Your daddy likes it, kid, why don't you?"

Henry's jaw dropped open as he entered the living room with the coffee mug in his hand.

" _Mom_!"

"Huh?' Emma blinked fuzzily, then smiled at her son as the baby at last began drinking. "What'd I say?"

Her son went scarlet. "I'm _not_ repeating it! TMI, Mom!"

Only then did Emma recall what she had been saying before Henry had come in. "Ummm . . ."

Her son put the coffee down on the table by her elbow and rushed from the room.

"Oh Lord! I think I scarred your poor brother for life!"

 **Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

 _A week later:_

Bae rubbed his eyes for the fiftieth time, they were red rimmed, gritty, and sore from being awake for over twelve hours with a continually screaming baby that he couldn't seen to get to sleep no matter what he did. It was five in the morning and Bae thought he was going to pass out holding the redfaced little imp that had stolen away his daughter.

"Oh, baby girl, I love you to death, I really do, but please for the love of God, Jesus, the Holy Family and all the angels _go_ _to sleep!_ " he entreated.

His beloved baby girl kept bawling, a thin wail that echoed through the apartment like the screeching howl of a banshee.

Bae put his head in his hands. "Jesus H. Christ tonight! I'm gonna have a breakdown!" he said to his snoozing wife.

Emma was asleep after being up for over fourteen hours and had finally conked out when Bae had told her he would take it from here.

Bae had blithely assumed that Emma hadn't done everything to calm down his darling daughter, but after a full hour of doing everything the baby book recommended and he could think of, he was feeling ready to strangle something—either that or hit his head hard enough to knock himself out.

Ilyssa continued to compete for baby who can scream her lungs out the longest contest.

A desperate Bae grabbed his cell from the nightstand and punched in Rumple's number.

"Hello, Bae?" his father's voice sounded ungodly alert at this hour of the morning.

"Papa, I need you to come over right now."

"Why? What's the matter?"

"I can't get Ilyssa to stop crying and go to sleep. I've tried _everything._ Rocking, singing, humming, swaddling. I changed her, put her in a new onesie, Emma fed her before she conked out, played with her, bounced her, and she just keeps crying and I _can't get her to sleep!_ "

There was an amused chuckle on the other end of the line. "Welcome to my world, dearie. I got almost no sleep for three months with the twins. Or with you when I got home. Alina was a bit easier, but she was the only one. And when she was teething I wanted to rip my own heart out and crush it."

"Papa, I haven't gotten any sleep in like twelve hours!" Bae said, panicked. "Isn't there some medicine you can give her? Like baby Nyquil?"

"What? Oh no, dearie, there isn't! You don't drug your infant, Baelfire."

"Then what do you _do_?"

"Learn how to go without sleep," his father said, smirking.

"Papa! You have magic . . .can you magic her to sleep?" his son begged. His head was lolling.

"No. I don't use magic on babies."

"What can I do? Surely it's not— _normal_ for a baby to cry so long?"

"Have you taken her temperature? Is she running a fever?"

"Did that. She's not sick."

"All right. Try giving her a bottle of chamomile tea. That might help, she could be a wee bit colicky. If that doesn't work call me back."

Bae hung up, then put Ilyssa in her bassinet, and ran to the kitchen to make some chamomile tea.

When he'd gotten it cool enough, he put it in a bottle and tried to feed it to his sobbing baby. "Please, Ilyssa, don't make me check myself into an institution. I thought I'd have a few years yet before that."

The baby took the bottle, sucked experimentally, then spat it out.

Poor Bae was nodding over Ilyssa when Henry came in, and said, "Hey, Dad. Maybe if I read to her, she'd fall asleep?" He took out the _Once Upon A Time_ book. "Okay, Ilyssa . . .this is the story of Captain Hook and how he stole away your grandma Milah . . ."

Ten minutes passed. Henry read on. Bae found himself dozing . . .until he realized that he couldn't hear Ilyssa crying. He jerked awake, and realized his daughter was quiet—for the first time in over five hours. He looked down . . . and saw she was sleeping, her eyes closed, and grunting a little in her sleep. "I don't believe it. She's asleep!" He stared at his son. "You did it, Henry!"

Henry grinned. "Works everytime. At least it did on me."

"Henry, you're a lifesaver," Bae breathed a sigh of relief.

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

 _Two weeks later:_

"So how are you doing, Emma?" Snow asked on her second visit to her daughter's house since the baby had come home. She and David had thought it a good idea to give the new parents some space to get to know their daughter and bond with her.

"I'm good, Mom. We finally figured out how to get Ilyssa to sleep with the fairy tale book. Works like a charm." She smiled at her daughter, who was dozing in the infant seat.

"That's good. You know, if you need a break you can call me or your dad. We'd be happy to help."

"Thanks, Mom. Maybe I'll take you up on it sometime," Emma said softly. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate her mother's offer, but she felt that she should be able to take care of her own newborn. Plus Snow was also expecting and she recalled all too well how uncomfortable she was during the last two months of pregnancy. Then too, there was Regina to mind. Right now the little girl was in the den, watching TV.

Emma got up to make Snow a cup of tea to go with the small sandwichs and cookies she had Bae get at the store yesterday. Right then her husband was teaching a class. As she was pouring the water into the mugs, she felt her milk begin to let down again.

She glanced down . . .her shirt was wet.

"Aww, hells!" she scowled. "I feel like a leaky faucet."

Snow thought that she had missed the joys of nursing with Emma due to the curse. "Maybe you need to . . . err . . .save some?"

"Yeah, I'll need some for Bae tonight, so he can take his turn at the midnight feeding," her daughter said, then she went and got the breast pump.

Emma had almost filled one bottle halfway when Regina wandered into the kitchen looking for munchies. "Mommy, can I have—whoa! Emma, watcha doin'?"

Emma felt herself blush a little. She had forgotten Regina was there, otherwise she wouldn have gone and did this in her bedroom. "Umm . . .I'm putting milk in a bottle for Ilyssa."

Regina watched, fascinated. "What's that thing on you?"

"It's called a breast pump, honey," Snow said matter-of-factly. "And it helps Emma get milk to put in a bottle."

Regina frowned. "Thought ya gots milk from a store."

"For us you do, but Ilyssa's too little to drink normal milk. She needs mother's milk," Snow explained.

Regina watched for a few more minutes, then blurted, "So Emma, are ya like a cow now?"

Snow dissolved into giggles. "Oh . . .oh . . ."

Emma felt her face go red. "Gee, thanks, kid. First I'm the size of a house, now I'm a cow."

"Well, I saw on the 'scovery Channel an old guy milking a cow, and you said you're putting in milk for the baby so . . ."

"Never mind, kid. I get it. And just so you know—this bottle is so Bae can feed the baby when I'm sleeping, or in the shower, or whatever."

"Does it hurt?" she asked frankly.

"No . . .it kinda feels good."

"Mommy, will you milk yourself when our baby's born?"

Snow giggled. "Yes and it's called nursing, Regina. When a mom feeds a baby like that."

"Oh. What's it called when a daddy feeds the baby?"

"Naptime," Emma laughed.

About two hours later, while Snow was discussing possible names for the baby with Emma, Ilyssa woke up. Her grandma happily played and changed her then handed her to her mom to feed. While Emma nursed the baby, Regina eyed her curiously. Finally she burst out with, "Emma, am I gonna be able to do that when I'm bigger?"

"Yeah, once you're married and have a baby," her sister replied.

"Then why does some mommies give their babies bottles?"

"Umm . . .'cause some of them choose not to breastfeed," she replied. "Sometimes you can't or it doesn't feel good so you use a bottle with formula instead. But I could and your Aunt Belle could and it's usually better for the baby cause the milk we make is easy on a baby's stomach, they don't get sick from it that often and throw up and it has vitamins and nutrients the formula doesn't to keep a baby healthy."

"Really? Then maybe they oughta sell that milk at the store," the girl declared.

Emma had a sudden vision of the dairy aisle in the supermarket with cartons of breast milk next to the coconut, almond, and soy milk and cracked up. "Kid, you're something else!"

She was so amused at Regina's comment that she forgot to grab a burp cloth from the stack of them in the small bag on the couch. She put Ilyssa on her shoulder and explained to her small sister, "Now we have to burp the baby cause when she eats, she gets air in her tummy and if you don't burp her, she throws up."

"Why can't she burp her own self?"

"She's too little yet," Emma answered, patting her daughter's back.

Suddenly, there came a rather large belch, and just as she was about to praise the newborn, she felt something really wet slide down the back of her shirt. "Aww, crap! I forgot a cloth," the new mother groaned. "Umm . . . Regina, gimme a cloth from that bag and then tell me if I have spit up on me."

Regina did so, then when she went to put the cloth on Emma, squealed in disgust. "EWWW! Emma, she barfed on ya! It's all over—you, your butt, the couch . . .ewww!" Regina wrinkled her nose. "I thought ya said she didn't get sick!"

"She's not, kid, but maybe she drank too much too fast," Emma sighed.

"Mommy, Ilyssa barfed all over!" Regina hollered, running into the kitchen.

"It was my fault," Emma said when Snow appeared. "Forgot my cloth . . .umm can you hold her while I go get changed?" She handed Snow the baby.

"Sure, sweetie," Snow took the baby while Emma went to change for the fourth time that day. While she did so, Snow bent down to tickle and kiss her granddaughter. She kissed the baby on the nose, just as Regina said, "Eww Mommy, she's got potty mouth!"

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

 _A month later:_

Bae thought he was finally getting the hang of being a dad. It had taken awhile, for both him and Emma, to get his daughter on a schedule of sorts, because Ilyssa still didn't sleep through the night, but after many false starts, they had finally come up with something they could live with on a daily basis. He loved the quiet times with his baby, just watching her sleep against him, or lying in her cradle, with her fist in her mouth, sucking peacefully. He thought his baby was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to him besides marrying Emma, and was astonished at how quickly she grew and learned things.

She now responded to his and Emma's voices, and also her grandparents', Regina and Henry. She would gurgle and coo upon seeing them, and wave her fists happily. "I feel like a rock star," he joked one day to Emma. "She's like a groupie, always happy to see me."

"I'm always happy to see you too, Bae. Because then I can get some sleep," his wife grinned.

One of his favorite things to do was to give Ilyssa a bath. He loved playing with her in the warm sudsy water, splashing and singing silly songs to her while he washed her. "A peanut sat on a railroad track . . .his heart was all aflutter . . ."

He helped the baby splash, getting water all over the counter, the floor, and himself.

" . . .along came the three-fifteen . . ." he grabbed a rubber duck and squirted the baby with it. " . . .toot toot! . . ." Ilyssa squeaked and splashed him. "Peanut butter! Yay!" he clapped his hands. "You don't know about peanut butter yet, babydoll, but I know you're gonna love it. 'Specially on Oreos, like your daddy." He tickled her under the chin.

"You also like making a flood all over," Rumple observed, coming into the kitchen. "Used to do that a lot back in our cottage whenever you took a bath."

He gestured to the floor, which was full of puddles.

"Hey, Papa. I'll clean it up, don't have a cow." Bae threw a towel down and mopped up the water quickly with a foot. "Okay, princess, time to come out," he cooed to the baby and lifted her from the sink and wrapped her in one of her soft terry towels with her name on it. He turned around, holding the baby against him and said, "See, Papa, I have it all under control."

Rumple smirked. "Don't be so sure. Better put a diaper on her."

"Don't worry, Papa. She's fine, I changed her before I gave her a bath, and all I have to do is walk over by the couch. Two minutes. Piece of cake," his son said breezily.

"You should have the diaper on the counter so you can put it on her right after you dry her," Rumple advised.

"We're good, right babydoll? Your grandpa's worrying over nothing."

He began to walk over to the couch, still holding the baby against him in the towel.

"Bae, I'm telling you—"

"Papa, relax. I've got—aww _shit!_ "

He felt something warm and wet suddenly gush out—all over his shirt, his jeans, and the floor.

He gaped at his daughter. "She _peed_ on me . . . and the floor . . . holy hells . . . I don't believe this . . .!"

Rumple burst out laughing.

"You look like something the cat dragged in, dearie!"

"Aww, quit laughing! It's so _not_ funny!" his son groused.

"I beg to differ. It's so hilarious!" his father chortled, going off into gales of laughter again. "Maybe next time you'll listen when I tell you something, Baelfire." He wagged a teasing finger at his son, still cracking up.

Bae rolled his eyes. "I'm thirty and he can still make me feel like I'm three! Okay, Papa . . .you were right. Now can you please help me out?"

His eyes twinkling, Rumple waved a hand and a diaper and onesie appeared on Ilyssa. "C'mere, _mo cridhe,_ " he crooned. "Come to Grandpa and let your know-it-all papa get changed." He took Ilyssa and snuggled her against him.

"Papa, can't you just . . ." Bae gestured at his urine-soaked self.

"You were saying?" Rumple said pointedly.

"Never mind!" his son snorted and stalked away to get changed.

Rumple gestured and the floor was cleaned. Then he turned back to his granddaughter and began rocking her, singing a lullaby in his melodic voice. Alyssa yawned and cooed, resting her downy head on his shoulder.

Bae returned a few minutes later and eyed his now slumbering daughter and said, "Yeah, now she sleeps."

"Next time, Bae, do yourself a favor and take our advice," Rumple told him.

Bae resolved to do just that.

A few days later, Emma decided to have a girls day out with Snow, Belle, the twins, Alina, and Regina, leaving Ilyssa home with Bae and Rumple at the shop with Jimmy. At first the morning went well. The baby was happy and Bae fed her, changed her, and played with her on the playmat. Then he put her in her swing to nap, she liked the rocking motion, while he went to do some laundry. She slept for several hours, allowing her father to shower, shave, and eat something for lunch.

As he was setting the dirty dishes in the sink, he heard Ilyssa wailing.

"Coming, chicklet!" he called.

When he went to take his daughter out of the swing, the most ungodly stench hit his nostrils. "Jesus H. Christ!" he muttered. Her diaper was sagging, plainly loaded, and the _smell . . ._

He didn't know exactly what to do, fearing that when he changed her, it would get everywhere. And Emma, who normally handled things like this, wasn't home. Neither were Belle or Rumple. Or Snow. Meanwhile, Ilyssa was screaming.

"Okay, okay! Hang on . . .lemme call David!" He yanked his cell out of his pocket and punched in the Nolans' number. "David, hi! It's Bae . . . umm . . . I kinda have a problem here . . .and I was wondering if you could help me out . . ." He explained the situation. " . . .okay . . .and Mr. Sprat ought know, right, I mean he's got six kids . . .so . . .okay, I've got this. Thanks!"

He wiped sweat from his brow in relief. At least Emma wouldn't come home and find the apartment a wreck from this really _bad_ diaper. He picked up Ilyssa. "Hey, babydoll, lemme get some noseplugs and then we're in business . . ."

He walked over to the kitchen sink, turned on the faucet, making sure it was lukewarm, and then pulled out the sprayer. After removing the diaper, with some tongs and throwing it into a trash bag, he said to his daughter, "Ilyssa, we're gonna take a shower!" and hosed off the baby with the warm water.

Luckily Ilyssa didn't seem to mind and her father grinned and said, "See? That wasn't so bad. I'm so glad I called David. Now maybe Papa will see that I can actually follow advice, right baby doll?" He dried the infant off with a towel and then, recalling what had happened last time, made sure to put her diaper on before bringing her into her room to dress her.

When Emma came home from shopping, she felt rather tired, but told Bae she was having the family come over for dinner. "I'm making spaghetti with meatballs and garlic bread and salad."

"Sounds good to me, Mom," Henry said. "You want me to help?"

"Sure, kid. You do the bread," she indicated the packages of garlic bread. Then she looked at Bae. "So how was the swan chick for you today? She pee on you again?"

Bae shook his head, looking very proud of himself. "Nope. And I had to change a really _bad_ diaper today. It was like a stink bomb had exploded."

"I've done that," Emma said, thinking, _wow, he thinks that's a big deal?_ She went to fill up the pot of water and saw dirty dishes still in the sink. "Bae, what the heck? You forget to wash the dishes?"

"Um . . .I was really busy . . .you know with the baby and everything . . ."

Emma rolled her eyes and washed the dishes in the sink and set them to dry. Then she filled up the pot of water and set it on the stove, turned on the oven, and got another pot to put the sauce in. She quickly made the meatballs and put them in the pot of sauce, adding some more water and spices and then simmering it.

"Bae, set the table please." She requested.

Her husband went and got the two dishes she'd washed and put them at their usual places. Then he went and got the rest from the cabinet. Henry finished fixing the garlic bread and then Emma cooked the pasta, and slid the garlic bread into the oven.

While that was cooking, Bae made a salad. As he set the salad on the table and the Parmesan cheese, he said, "So, aren't you gonna ask me how I handled it?"

Emma drained the pasta. "Handled what?"

"You know . . .the exploded diaper."

"I think I know, hon," she chuckled. She stirred the meatballs and sauce, then put them in a bowl and drained the pasta, adding the remaining sauce to it.

Henry cut up the garlic bread.

"Mom, I think I hear Ilyssa," her son said.

"She's asleep in the bassinet in the den," Bae told his son, as he got the pitcher of iced tea and one of lemonade from the fridge.

As Henry brought the baby into the kitchen, Bae got a call from Rumple, saying they were almost there. At the same time, Emma got a text from Snow telling her they were also.

"Hey, baby girl," Emma said, taking Ilyssa from Henry and kissing her. "Were you good for Daddy?"

The baby cooed and tried to grab Emma's hair.

"Oh no! No pulling Mommy's hair," she laughed. "Bae, will you serve me and you while I feed her?" Emma asked. But Ilyssa wasn't really hungry, and only nursed awhile before refusing. So Emma put her in the infant seat while they ate.

As she sat down to inhale the delicious aroma of spaghetti and meatballs on her plate, she finally took the bait and asked, "So, what did you do? Since I know you've never changed her diaper when she's like that before."

Bae said, "Well, I didn't know exactly what to do, so I called your dad up on the phone to ask his advice since everyone else wasn't home or working. David tells me that I should take off the diaper and use the sprayer in the kitchen sink to hose her butt off, so I did and it worked great! No problem!" He was beaming like he'd won the Nobel Prize.

Emma digested this. "Really? _That's_ what you're so proud about?"

"Uh huh. I didn't have any disgusting mess to clean up either. I just rinsed her off and dried her and put her new diaper on and she was fine."

"In the sink," his wife repeated, something just now dawning on her. When she had come home there had been dishes in the sink. "Umm . . .Baelfire, you did take the dishes out before you . . .washed Ilyssa down, right?"

"Oh, don't worry, Em. I didn't put her _in_ the sink," he reassured her. "Just held her over it while I rinsed her off."

Emma was about to take a forkful of her spaghetti when she dropped the fork with a clatter. "Wait a minute. Back up. You rinsed her off . . . _with_ the dishes _in the sink_?"

"Umm . . .yeah, I didn't want to make her sit there while I washed them," her husband replied, unfazed.

"The dishes I saw in the sink when I came home?" she gasped. " _Those_ dishes?"

"Yeah, but you washed them, right? They looked clean to me so I put them on the table. Why?"

Emma's eyes bugged out. "Oh . . .my . . . _God_ , Baelfire! Where are they?"

"Umm . . . here . . ." he indicated his plate and hers. "We're eating off them."

"What?!"

"Emma, you washed them."

"Dad! _Gross!"_ Henry shouted, looking ill.

She put a hand to her head in disbelief. She couldn't believe this was happening. _Calgon, take me away!_ She wailed silently.

" _Bae!_ I'm eating _dinner_ off of plates that you rinsed poop onto!?" Emma cried in horror.

"Bae! Wherever did you get such an insane idea?" Rumple cried as he walked in the door carrying a bottle of wine. He could hardly believe his ears.

"Well, you were busy at the shop, so I called David and asked what to do," his son began defensively.

Emma gaped at him. "My dad told you to hose the baby down over the sink?"

"Well, yeah. He asked Mr. Sprat in the apartment downstairs, since he's got six kids." Bae explained. "And I thought it worked great."

David and Snow came in, followed by Regina, then Belle carrying her son, then Alina with her sister Daria, and Jimmy bringing up the rear with a bakery box. "Hey, we brought crumb cake, guys!"

Emma spun on David. "Dad! How could you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Tell my brilliant son to rinse the baby's bottom over a sink full of dishes, dearie," Rumple informed him, shaking his head.

" _WHAT_?" everyone chorused, gaping like landed fish, eyes wide as saucers.

"You did that over a sink full of dishes?" David stammered.

"Well, you said to use the sprayer. And there's only one here, in the kitchen sink," his son-in-law defended.

"Who would do it over the dishes?" David gasped.

"And he didn't _tell_ me and I washed them really quick and then . . .he put them on the table— _right here—_ and I put my dinner on them!" Emma wailed. "Somebody shoot me now!"

Hearing the distress in her mom's tone, the baby began to cry.

Snow patted her shoulder. "Emma, just sit there, sweetie. I'm going to fix this." She took Emma's plate and Bae's plate and scraped them into the garbage, then put the dishes in the dishwasher, got new ones and set them down. "Were those the only dishes in the sink? Or do I need to wash these other ones with bleach?"

"No. I only had two for lunch before . . . that happened," Bae said, utterly flabbergasted. "But Emma washed them, Snow. Before I set the table."

" _Baelfire!_ " Belle stared at him in horror.

"Bae, you need help!" Alina cried. "Like therapy with Dr. Hopper."

Regina wrinkled her nose fastidiously at her plate. "Eww! I ain't eatin' offa no plate with poop on it, Daddy!"

"Mommy took care of that, princess," David hastened to reassure her. "These plates are clean. Right, Bae?"

"Yes, you'd think I served you hemlock," he muttered, feeling put upon.

Emma grumbled under her breath about ecoli and thought she was lucky she still had an appetite. "Okay, everybody, let's eat before it gets cold."

As they all sat down, Regina shook her little finger at Bae and said, "Yeah, an' next time don't throw a poopy diaper in the sink with your dishes, Bae! 'sgusting!"

Bae put his hand over his face. "I'm never going to live this down, am I?"

"Nope," Alina said cheerfully. "We'll be telling your grandkids about this one. Along with lighting the forest on fire and Henry lighting the dojo on fire."

Jimmy gaped at them. "Whoa! And I thought I was bad!"

Henry looked at his uncle. "What did _you_ light on fire, Jimmy?"

"Nothing! But I did put a hole in my dad's dinghy by mistake when I went to toss the anchor overboard once and missed," the former pirate said ruefully. "Ended up holystoning the deck and manning the bilge for two weeks for that one." Then he added, "And if you think what Bae did was bad, you oughta be glad you never met our ship's cook. Once he gave us soup that he cooked while his nose was dripping and a dead rat was floating in it."

"Aww, gross, Jimmy!" Alina groaned.

"Just saying. Could be worse."

"I don't want to know," Belle said.

"God help us all," Rumple said fervently. He looked at his twins, his niece, and his granddaughter. "Heaven only knows what these four will do!"

"If they're anything like their parents, we'll be lucky Storybrooke's still standing by the time they're grown up," Belle joked.

"Don't jinx us, dearie!" Rumple prayed. By the time Regina, Daria, Dylan, Ilyssa, and the Nolan's baby were grown his hair was going to be white as the driven snow.

 **A/N: well hope you all had a good laugh over the new parenting mistakes . . .because I did writing them . . .and some of them were real things people I know actually did, but only I know which ones were real!**

 **Next: Baby's first day out with Mommy . . .and Aunt Regina. And Jimmy babysits Ilyssa for the first time, with Alina and Regina helping . . .**


	6. Baby's Day Out

**6**

 **Baby's Day Out**

"Emma, maybe you'd better wait to take the baby out," Bae fretted. "She could catch a cold or something."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Bae, it's like eighty degrees out. Besides, she can't stay cooped up in the apartment forever. She needs to get out and see new things and experience other places. Get exposed to people and kids and the air so she builds up her immune system." Then she tossed her head. "Besides, _I_ haven't seen anything but the four walls of this apartment for two weeks, so I think it's time we went on a little trip." She tickled the baby, who was lying on her playmat on the den rug. "Right, peanut?"

Ilyssa cooed at her and waved her fists.

Bae threw up his hands in surrender. "Okay. Far be it for me to argue with _two_ stubborn women."

"All right, let me text my mom, she wanted to come and get a swimsuit for Regina." Emma said, picking up her cell. "You mind getting the diaper bag ready?"

"On it," her husband called.

Ten minutes later, Emma had gotten dressed and put Ilyssa into her infant seat, which could be buckled right into the base for a car seat. She turned to get her purse and the diaper bag. "Whoa! Gold, where'd you think we're going, Alaska? We're going to the department store down the road, not camping out for a month!" She held up the bag, which was filled with literally everything.

"Uh . . .I wasn't sure what you'd need," her husband said rather sheepishly.

"Well, I'm not gonna need two receiving blankets—it's hot out, or six outfits, if I was gonna stay by my mom's I might need that, but . . ." she rearranged the contents, taking out the extra things. Then, with the bag now three pounds lighter, she put it on her shoulder and picked up the seat, saying, "Ilyssa, you're coming with Mommy and going shopping!"

The baby squealed upon hearing her mother's voice.

"Oh great! Only six weeks and she _already_ knows that word!" Bae groaned.

Emma smirked. "She's a girl, Gold. It's born in them. Get used to it."

"Have fun, swan chicks!" he called, blowing them a kiss, then he went to get changed into his gi for his first class of the morning.

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

Emma took the Bug, even though she could have used Bae's Escape too, because she was picking up Snow and Regina, and the Bug was more comfortable with passengers than the jeep. Her Bug now had a sign _Baby Chick on Board—Caution!_ Henry had bought it for a baby gift, and also a little sunshade to put in the window where the car seat was.

Emma put on some tunes while she drove the few blocks to the loft. "I Hope You Dance" came on, and she sang along with it. So did Ilyssa. The new mother giggled. "Well, baby girl, neither of us will ever win a Grammy, but who cares, right?"

She stopped at a red light, and waved as Archie crossed with Pongo. "Morning, Archie!"

"Morning, Emma! How's the baby?" he called.

"Doing great. Taking her on her first shopping trip."

"Sounds like fun. Don't go broke!" he grinned.

"I'll try not to," she laughed, and then continued on to the loft.

Snow and Regina were waiting outside when they arrived. "They're he-e-ere!" Regina singsong, jumping up and down.

"Kid, you sound like the girl from Poltergeist," Emma chuckled.

"What's that?"

"A scary movie you're not allowed to watch yet," Snow said firmly.

"Aww! I like scary movies!" Regina pouted. "I like Maleficent."

"Not this one you won't," Snow assured her.

"How old do I gotta be to watch it?" her daughter demanded.

"Umm . . .ten," she named a nice round number several years away.

Regina scowled. Then she thought that maybe she could make a deal with Jimmy. Or even Henry. Because boys were easier to deal with than girls. She could hardly ever trick Alina or Grace into doing what she wanted. They were almost like Unca Rumple, Aunt Belle, Bae, Emma, or her parents. "Okay!" she huffed, pretending to be annoyed. All the while she was plotting how she could get around it and suggest Jimmy should watch it.

Then she cried, "I wanna sit next to Ilyssa, Mommy! So you get shotgun!"

She opened the back door of the Bug and climbed in. "Hey, Ilyssa! Guess what? We're goin' shopping and I'm gonna get a new suit for the pool. Cause my Ariel one's too small an' we gotta give it away to those kids who live under Privilege, wherever that is. Probably the toll bridge. Yuck! Who'd wanna live there? They oughta ask Unca Rumple if they can rent somewhere else."

In the front seat, Emma and Snow were quietly cracking up, while the radio was now playing Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats".

Regina cocked her head and told Ilyssa seriously, "You gotta mess up more than a guy's car if he cheats on ya. That's when ya ask Unca Rumple to borrow his cane an' your dad's bo staff an' you break his kneecaps so's he can't run to the scarlet woman like he wants to. _Or_ you can tell Unca Rumple, your dad, or Henry and watch _them_ beat him up for ya. But I'd rather do it, 'cause I'm a big girl and if a man's dumb enough to cheat on me he better 'spect what's comin'. Him and the bimbo he's cheatin' with!"

Emma was laughing so hard she nearly peed her pants. "Oh . . .oh . . .my . . God! Mom, did you tell her that?"

Snow was giggling with her hand over her mouth. "No . . .but I think she heard Alina and Grace talking one day with Ruby at the diner when they were having ice cream."

"I . . .seriously don't think Alina's gonna have that problem. The poor kid's lucky if Rumple ever allows her to date!"

"Grace too," Snow shook her head. "Jeff's already threatened to be waiting on the lawn with his hat set to send them to another dimension if they look at her funny!"

Emma rolled her eyes. "And let me guess. Dad's gonna be waitng with his sword when it's Regina's turn."

"Him, Rumple, and Henry!" Snow sighed.

"Lord only knows what Bae will be like," she groaned. "I think he might make anyone that wants to date Ilyssa run a gauntlet. Or fight him in a karate tournament!"

"Those poor boys better pray they're in a good mood," Snow sniggered.

"Yeah or the slug museum in Belle's garden is gonna have a few new inmates." She braked for a light.

Snow patted her tummy. "I'm hoping this one's a boy. I don't think your dad can handle another girl like Regina."

"Mom, I doubt if any other girl will ever be like her," Emma pointed out.

"True. There's only one Regina," her mother agreed. "But I think your dad will want a son to go fishing with or whatever."

"Yeah and commiserate with him about how women run everything," the sheriff giggled.

They parked in maternity parking when they reached the store, which was run by Tiana and Aurora, and featured clothing for children as well as adults in all styles.

"Can I push Ilyssa?" Regina asked her elder sister as she put Ilyssa into the four-in-one stroller base.

"When we get inside," Emma said. "Too dangerous out here."

"How come?"

"Because a car backing up might not see you, since you're small," she explained. Then she handed Regina the diaper bag. "But you can carry this."

Regina took the bag. "Wow! What's in here? The kitchen sink?"

"Tell Bae that, kid!" Emma said wryly. "Because the way he packed you'd have thought we were leavin' on a jetplane."

"I wanna go on a plane again!" said the little girl wistfully. "Can we, Mommy?"

"Ask your dad," Snow replied smoothly, knowing full well that with Charming's deadly fear of flying they'd not be going anywhere on a plane soon.

Once they were safely inside the store, Regina again begged Emma to push Ilyssa, and this time Emma let her do so, after shoving the diaper bag beneath the seat. Regina had on cute green pants with pink lilies on them and a shirt that said in white letters, _I'm the Big Aunt!_

They headed straight for the kids department, but on the way, Snow paused to examine a rack of shoes on sale.

Regina pushed the stroller a bit ahead of the two older women, to see a display of plastic pails and shovels for the beach in bright colors. "Look, Ilyssa! Beach stuff!"

Nearby a rather fussy old woman turned around and saw them. "Aww! Are you minding your little sister?" she cooed in a high falsetto voice.

Regina, who hated being treated like a baby, said, "Can't ya read, lady? She's not my sister!" She stuck out her chest pointedly, with the shirt's saying on it.

The lady blinked. "Oh! Goodness, you don't look old enough to be an auntie!" she continued, still using that fake baby voice that some people use to kids and animals.

"Yeah, well, least I didn't sit next to Moses in first grade!" Regina snorted.

"What?" she cupped her ear. "Speak up, girlie! You like to drink lemonade?"

Regina rolled her eyes. "Grown-ups!" she said to Ilyssa. "Some of them are dumber n' dirt!"

"You like my shirt?" the old woman cooed. Then she moved over to see Ilyssa. "What a cute little girl! Cootchie cootchie coo!" she went to tickle the baby under the chin.

Ilyssa was startled and began to cry.

"Hey, lady!" Regina yelled. "You made her cry! Now buzz off!"

The old woman heard something entirely different and gasped. "How rude! You oughta have your mouth washed out with soap!"

"And you oughta have your ears cleaned out!" Regina retorted. "Now quit makin' Ilyssa cry!" she quickly shoved the stroller back towards where Snow and Emma were trying on shoes.

"What's the matter?" asked Emma, upon hearing the baby wailing.

"Emma, there was an old lady who wasn't listenin' to anything I said, she thought I was Ilyssa's sister an' then I showed her my aunt shirt, an' she talked to me like I was a _baby_ an' I'm a big girl an' then she tickled Ilyssa an' made her cry an' when I tol' her to stop she called me rude." The child crossed her arms over her chest. "I ain't rude— _she_ needs Miracle Ear! An' her head 'xamined! Prolly has Old Timer's disease! Either that or it's like Unca Rumple always says—you can't fix stupid!"

Emma was holding her sides and laughing. Snow's belly was shaking and she whispered, "I think I need the bathroom! Quick!"

Regina heaved a sigh. "Mommy, do ya gotta go _again?_ " she moaned. "You're like Niagra Falls!"

Snow turned red, and hurried off to find a restroom, while several people going by started laughing. "Kids!" Said one. "You never know what's gonna come out of their mouths."

"Hey, be nice!" Emma reprimanded. "Someday that's gonna be you when you have kids."

"Nuh uh!" her small sister insisted. "Cause I'm gonna teach my kid not to jump up n' down on my pee pee!"

"Good luck with that!" hooted the sheriff, then she leaned against the shoe display, hysterically laughing. _Thank God for overnight Always!_

Snow returned and they quickly made their way to the kids clothing area, where Regina spent fifteen minutes picking out swimsuits and trying them on.

"Which one ya like better, Emma?" she asked, coming out and modeling a Disney Princess Belle suit, complete with a sparkly little skirt and gold shimmery fabric with Belle and a small rose on the front.

"That's really cute," Emma said, wishing they had one in Ilyssa's size.

"Or this one," she modeled a turquoise Jasmine bikini.

"I think I like the Belle better," Emma said. "The other one looks a little . . . old for you."

"Yes, and your dad will make you wear a cover up, knowing him," said Snow.

"I like Belle the best!" Regina said. "Since they don't have Snow White."

"Maybe we can get a Snow White beach towel," her mother compromised, still tickled to death that the former Evil Queen now considered Snow White her idol.

"Okay. Emma, we need a suit for Ilyssa."

"Regina, I don't think they make them that small," Emma began.

"Sure they do. And if they don't can't ya just use magic n' shrink 'em? Alina can."

"Uh . . . yeah I could," the white magician said thoughtfully, and she wheeled the stroller over to where they had the infant section.

Sure enough, they did have tiny swim suits, but none in 0-3 mos. As both Emma and Snow began looking through the racks for a cute one, Ilyssa, who had been sleeping while Regina picked out her suit, woke up and began crying hungrily.

"Uh oh! Sounds like somebody's hungry!" said a young woman with an older baby in a cart a row down from them.

Emma knew that cry intimately, and felt her milk start to come down.

She turned to get the baby, when suddenly Regina yelled, loud enough so the whole store could hear, " _Emma! You better milk the cow, the baby's starving!"_

Emma wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. _I am never having any more kids!_

She was sure the entire store was laughing their asses off and posting that comment on their twitter and Facebook pages.

"Regina!" hissed Snow. "Emma, I'm so sorry!"

"Be prepared, Mom. That's gonna be you soon," her elder daughter groaned, then picked up her baby to find a quiet spot to nurse.

"I'm moving into the convent!" Snow declared.

"Mommy! You can't do that! You're married!" Regina protested. "And a convent's only for nuns, they don't 'llow boys there less they get castrated!"

"Never mind!" Snow said hastily, and then she showed Regina a little swimsuit made of soft glittery white and silver material with a little feathery skirt. "Look, isn't this cute for baby Ilyssa?"

"Yeah, it makes her look like swan chick. But Mommy, when are her feathers gonna grow in?"

"Regina, honey, remember what we talked about?" her mom began.

"Yeah she's just a baby."

"That's right. And babies don't have feathers."

 _Except the ones that are swan chicks,_ Regina thought stubbornly. After all, if Daria could have pointed ears, then why couldn't Ilyssa have feathers?

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

After eating lunch at Granny's, Emma dropped off Snow and Regina at home, feeling rather beat and wanting to just go home and take a nap like the baby, who was now sleeping peacefully in her car seat. Emma pulled into the dojo, and shoved her keys into her purse and opened the door. She went around to the trunk to get out the bags of clothes she had purchased, finding some cute things on sale for the baby, and also for herself, though her mom had bought the little silver "swan suit" as Regina called it. She had just gotten all the bags out, when a freak gust of wind came and blew shut the door of the car.

Emma went to open it and grab her purse—only to discover the door was locked. Her purse-with the car keys inside—had been on the front seat, she had forgotten to grab it since she wasn't used to bringing one with her.

Not only was her purse locked in the car—but so was the baby.

Emma peered into the car window, barely able to see Ilyssa because of the sunshade. She seemed to be still asleep.

A frantic Emma yanked at the door handle. It wouldn't budge. And her phone and her house keys were also inside the purse. So she couldn't call for help. She ran over to the dojo, and found it was locked and dark. Obviously, Bae had gone out somewhere, because she was pounding and yelling on the door and he didn't hear her. His car was also gone.

Now Emma was beginning to panic. Her baby was locked in the car! In the summer! It was already ninety degrees out! She recalled all the safety warnings she'd ever heard in school about never leaving toddlers or dogs in parked cars during the summer, they could suffocate from extreme heat.

She wiped a drop of sweat from her brow. "Don't worry, Ilyssa, Mom's gonna get you out," she whimpered, on the verge of having a full blown anxiety attack. She couldn't believe she had left her damn purse in the car . . . and locked her baby inside! Some sheriff she was!

She glanced around, hoping to find a rock or a brick, anything she could use to break the window and open the door. But the parking lot was neat as a pin. Emma considered running screaming down the street. This could only happen to her!

Desperate, she put her hands on the door handle again and concentrated hard. _Open damn you! Open up and let me get my baby!_

She felt her magic surge through her.

Then there was a rather loud _pop_! The car shook and Emma fell backwards on her butt. When the smoke cleared, the sheriff blinked. Ilyssa was crying, and the car was open.

The car door was lying halfway across the parking lot.

Because she had blown it off.

Emma scrambled to her feet, grabbed her purse and then reached around and unlocked the back door. She picked up Ilyssa and hugged her. "It's okay! I'm here! I'm right here!" she cried. "Don't be scared, babydoll. Mommy just got a little . . .carried away."

"I'll say, dearie," Rumple commented from behind her. "Tell me you're not suffering from post partum depression."

"Rumple!" Emma turned to see her father-in-law behind her, in his familiar Armani suit and tie. "You don't understand . . .I'm not depressed, but my purse got locked in the car and . . .Ilyssa too . . .and I couldn't get her out so I . . .figured I could magic the door open and . . .umm . . ." she gestured to the car door rocking to and fro on its side.

"I felt the magical emanations from that, dearie, all the way over at my shop," the master sorcerer replied. "I thought someone had attacked you or Ilyssa."

"Err . . . I kinda . . .got upset," Emma said, chagrined.

"Remind me to duck if you ever get angry," Rumple joked. "Hell hath no fury like a mother prevented from getting her baby. Is Ilyssa all right?"

"Yeah. I think I scared her when I blew the door off," Emma said lightly. "Mommy's sorry, baby girl." She patted her daugther's back and the baby quit crying abruptly and cooed at her.

"You're forgiven," Rumple chuckled, noting the obvious bliss in his granddaughter's gaze. "She doesn't hold grudges." Then he bent and picked up the bags she had dropped. "Let me carry these in for you."

"Oh, you don't have to. I can get them as soon as I—" Emma began, going to unlock the dojo's door.

"Nonsense, dearie," Rumple ignored her protests and picked them up, just as Bae returned with Henry, they had gone out to get pizza for lunch and brought home Chinese for dinner. "Looks like your prince has come," he quipped to his daughter-in-law.

"Too late, the damsel rescued herself," Emma smirked.

"What the _hell_ happened to your car, Em?" Bae cried in horror.

"Mom, were you like carjacked?" Henry gasped.

"Long story, kid. I'll tell you inside," she said. "C'mon, Ilyssa's tired and it's hotter than hell out here."

She led the way into the dojo and up the elevator, Rumple, Bae, and Henry following her like ducklings after their mother.

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

 _Several hours later:_

"So . . .besides Regina making you have Mom's Most Embarrassing Moment in the store, how did your shopping go?" Bae asked curiously, lying in bed with his arm over his head.

"Well . . .I did get some great sales on some clothes for me and for the baby . . ." she patted her tummy and said, "Look, the magic I did today made me lose about ten pounds. If I cast some more spells like that I'll be able to fit into my old jeans in no time."

Bae caressed her shoulder. "You look great to me any way at all, wild swan."

"You're just saying that."

"No, I truly mean that," he corrected. "And I'll be saying it when we're both old and gray on the porch with canes and rocking chairs," he teased.

"That might be sooner than you think with these kids," his wife chuckled. "Now shut up and kiss me, you big stud."

"Your wish is my command," he obliged and then his mouth found hers and they were indulging in some fairly seductive kissing when a sudden insistent wailing interrupted their reverie.

Emma looked at her husband ruefully. "Thy daughter calls."

"I'll get her. You go back to sleep. Dream of me."

"Sleep? After what we—you rat!" Emma cried, and whacked his back with her pillow.

The martial arts instructor was laughing as he climbed out of bed. "Daddy's coming, babydoll!"

Emma buried her face in the pillow. "Lucky you. I wish he was coming back here," she grumbled. "Then again, maybe it's better if I do sleep . . .because doing that was what got us you in the first place, swan chick."

By the time Bae had changed his daughter and warmed a bottle for her, and brought her back to feed her, he found her mother had fallen asleep . . .with her arm on his pillow. "Aww, Em!" he sighed. "Really?"

He moved her arm so he could sit down and feed their daughter, who was guzzling milk like she hadn't been fed since the Year One. Only to have Emma's hand suddenly interpose itself on him, cupping a rather delicate part of his anatomy.

Bae's eyes went wide.

"Emma! Jesus H. Christ!"

Then he blushed at what he had just said. "I'm lucky I didn't get struck dead for that," he muttered to his daughter, and then gently rearranged his wife's hand so that she was touching his knee. "There!" At least now he didn't feel like a pervert while he was feeding his baby.

The room grew still, all except for the soft sucking noises Ilyssa made as she drank. Bae felt his eyelids start to droop, and he yawned slightly. There was a peaceful sereneness about this moment, and for a moment he almost closed his eyes to drink it in better.

But then he caught himself. _Don't fall asleep with the baby, Gold! You might drop her!_ He gently removed the bottle, made sure he had a cloth over his shoulder, and burped her. Then he fed her the rest of the bottle.

By the time the milk was down to the last half-ounce, Ilyssa was also growing sleepy, and soon the nipple hung out of her mouth and little droplets of milk formed upon her tiny lips. "Okay, princess. I get it. You've had enough," her father whispered, managing to get her to burp after five minutes of rubbing and then finding he was too damned comfortable to get out of bed and put her back in her cradle, so he just snuggled down with her in the crook of his arm, next to Emma, who now had her hand on his head, and fell asleep.

That was how Henry found them the next morning—the wild swan, fighting swan, and swan chick—all nestled together, soaring through dreamland.

 **A/N: Hope you all liked the shopping trip and the end of this chapter. Was going to have the babysitting part with Jimmy, Alina, and Regina watching Ilyssa for a few hours while the parents go out, but decided to save it for the next chapter. Thanks for reading!**


	7. Babysitting For Chicks

**7**

 **Babysitting for Chicks**

"Rubber duckie, you're the one! You make bathtime lots fun!" Henry yodeled as he squirted Ilyssa with her mini rubber duck as he assisted in bathing her along with Bae. "Quack! Quack!"

The infant splashed her hands in the warm water and giggled happily, soap suds trailing all over her little body like feathers from the baby bubble bath.

"Gee, tiger, I didn't know you liked Sesame Street," Bae teased as he put down a thick towel, a diaper, and the "sunshine" lotion that Emma had made for her using her newly acquired potion skills last weekend. It smelled wonderful and would protect Ilyssa's delicate skin from rashes, sunburn, and insects. Rumple claimed she had done well for her first successful lotion, but he didn't bother telling them about the twenty or so other times she'd nearly wrecked his lab trying.

"Mom had it on the other day," his eldest replied, letting his baby sister grab the duck. "You like that rubber duckie, Ilyssa?" he cooed at her.

She giggled again at him.

"Rubber duckie, I'm awfully fond of you!" Henry sang and then made the duck kiss the baby.

As the baby burst into gales of laughter, obviously thinking her brother was the best performer ever, Bae said, "You know, she giggles like her grandpa."

"Must be a Stiltskin thing," his son said. "You think Grammy's gonna have her baby today?"

"Dunno, tiger. That's the thing about babies. They come when they're ready. Right, swan chick?"

His daughter smirked at him, unmindful of the soap in her face.

Emma had gone to bring Snow to get checked by her doctor, though she suspected it was false labor pains, as it was almost two weeks early. She had gone because David was so nervous every time Snow had a contraction, he jumped, and her mother said they'd never make it to the hospital without crashing. So Emma had come to the rescue.

Bae picked up a soft downy washcloth and began to wash Ilyssa's back, singing, "Splish splash I was takin' a bath . . ." and was joined by Henry.

His daughter was delighted and made little purring and squeaking noises and splashed them both with water in appreciation.

"You know, Dad, maybe we don't sound half bad," Henry remarked.

"Don't kid yourself," Bae chuckled. "Ilyssa doesn't know any better. And she just likes to hear people sing. Doesn't matter who it is. Now your grandpa can carry a tune . . ."

They played some more with the baby until the water started to cool, then Bae took her out and dressed her in a cute little dress Belle had bought her that looked like the one Belle in Beauty and the Beast had worn, with the blue smock and white sleeves. It was accompanied by lacey little socks that looked like she had on blue slippers, and he also accompanied it with a bib that said _Mommy's Swan Princess,_ because the baby drooled all the time.

"Let me see if I can get her to sleep, Henry," he called to his son, who was cleaning the sink.

He had just sat down in the rocking chair when Emma came home. "Hey, I guess the newest Nolan hasn't made his appearance yet?"

"Nope. False alarm," Emma said. "You want me to take her? I'm kinda beat so hopefully if I start falling asleep, she will too."

Bae handed her Ilyssa. "Here you go, babydoll. Henry, what do you say we try that new Soda Stream thing David brought over?"

"Okay, I want to see if I can make cinnamon Dr. Pepper."

Emma made a face. "Kid, that sounds gross."

"Why? I like cinnamon."

"Me too, but not with Dr. Pepper," she called back, then went into the bedroom to lie down with Ilyssa beside her. Usually her daughter tended to mimic whatever Emma did in a funny kind of imprinting thing.

"I think your mom's right, tiger, that does sound kinda nasty. How about chocolate cherry cola?"

Emma and Ilyssa drifted off listening to their menfolk bicker over what kind of soda they were going to make.

Three hours later, Emma woke to find a chocolate cola float sitting on the night table with a spoon in it and a note that read _Truly madly deeply in love with you, my wild swan—Love Bae._

Emma smiled and then whispered to her sleeping baby, "See, that's why I married your dad, Ilyssa Maria Gold."

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

"If I don't get out of this house soon, Belle, I'm gonna end up in the asylum," Snow half-sobbed over the phone to her friend and inlaw. "David's driving me insane worrying about every little twinge and Regina and Princess are running around like banshees."

"Sounds like you need a night out, sweetie. Why don't we go to the Enchanted Rose for dinner tonight? You can bring Regina and Princess over here and Alina and Jimmy can watch them."

"With the twins too?" Snow said doubtfully.

"No, the twins can go spend some time with Auntie Alice and Uncle Jeff," Belle said. "So what do you say? Five o'clock sound good?"

"Sure. If that's okay with you and Rumple?"

"Rumple's got a half day at the shop today, so it should be fine."

"Then you've got a date, sister," Snow said with relief. A moment later, Belle heard her call, "Regina, how would you like to go over Uncle Rumple's house tonight?"

The next thing she heard was Regina screeching, "Yay! UNCA RUMPLE'S!

 **Page~*~*~Break**

Bae was visiting Rumple at his shop, picking up a soft lavender throw his papa had made for his new granddaughter when Rumple got a call from Belle about going out to dinner that night. "That sounds lovely, dearie," her husband said, then he looked at his son. "Bae, why don't you and Emma come with us?"

"Uh, sure but . . . who's gonna watch Ilyssa? Henry's got a science project due and he's over Ash's house working on it tonight."

"Well . . ." Rumple looked thoughtful. Then he grinned impishly. "You know, I think it's time Ilyssa met her Uncle Jimmy, don't you?"

"Papa! Jimmy doesn't know anything about taking care of babies!"

"Of course he does, Bae! What do you think I've been having him do around the house since the twins were born?" his father reassured him. "Besides, he won't be alone. Alina will be with him, and you know you can trust your sister."

Bae knew that was true. Alina, who was Belle and Rumple's eldest girl, was very much like both her parents, trustworthy, reliable, compassionate and she also was an enchantress. "Okay, Papa. Guess I'd better tell Emma to get ready to go out on the town."

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

Jimmy Jones considered himself something of an expert when it came to watching babies, after his baptism by fire babysitting the Gold twins for long stretches for several months. The twins seemed to love him, and the former pirate found he adored them. Jimmy had never had any siblings before, or been around small children, so he was as shocked as anyone to find he actually enjoyed playing with them. In a way, he supposed, it was like reclaiming a piece of the childhood he'd never really had.

As the only son of Milah and Killian Jones, also known as Captain Hook, Jimmy's life had been a steady diet of hatred and revenge—because Milah blamed her former husband, Rumplestiltskin, for all her woes, and encouraged her husband and son to find him so they could kill him in revenge. It was something that Jimmy had been taught practically from the cradle, but since coming to Storybrooke six months ago and actually speaking to and getting to know Mr. Gold and his family, Jimmy had seen something he never had before—he had seen the truth about revenge and hatred, and that there was more to living than killing a man who his mother had wronged to begin with. He had also met his half-brother, Bae, and discovered that he too was not as Milah had made him out to be.

After long days of soul searching and realizing as he'd been forced to help the people of Storybrooke recover from the great blizzard that had smothered the town in snow three feet deep, Jimmy finally had a change of heart and asked Rumple if he could be a member of the family, because at last he understood what a real family was and acted like. And he wanted, for the first time ever, to be someone other than a revenge-driven pirate who took away others' happiness. The Golds had given him a second chance at a new life, where he could do and be whatever he wished, and not just his mother's lackey bent on revenge for a man he now admired and regarded as almost another father.

He shuddered to think of how furious his mother and father would be when they discovered his betrayal—except it wasn't one-because for the first time Jimmy was actually following his heart—and his heart wanted to belong with the Golds. But he knew his mother, bitter and filled with hatred for so many years, would never understand why her son had chosen as he had. She would most likely disown him for it. But since they were still back in the Enchanted Forest, Jimmy could worry about that tomorrow.

The only child he had trouble with on a regular basis was Regina, but then again, Regina was a class unto herself, and she even gave Rumple a hard time. But at least tonight he had help from Alina, and usually she could get Regina to behave. So Jimmy really only had to worry about his six-week old niece.

And surely he could handle one small newborn baby.

The night started out fine, with Regina and her Dalmatian, Princess, being dropped off around four thirty, so the little girl could visit with her aunt and cousins and blow off steam before Ilyssa arrived. Princess ran around like a crazy dog for the first ten minutes in the Golds' backyard with Rumple's collie, Freya, who was a gentle dog but not minded to let Princess walk all over her. But after two times of Freya knocking the younger obstreperous canine off her feet and making her submit, the Dalmatian conceded that Freya was the boss of the Gold house, much to everyone's relief.

Nala, their black cat, watched from the window, she dislike the rambunctious spotted dog, and licked herself, pleased at the collie's dominance. She could tolerate Regina, but only until the child tried to pick her up or started yelling, then the cat would vanish like smoke, to hide under Rumple's bed.

Soon after Regina's arrival, Belle went to drop off Dylan and Daria at Alice's house and it was then Regina popped the question. "Hey Jimmy, you ever seen a scary movie called Poltergeist?"

"No, not yet. But I think Henry told me about it," the older teen replied. "Why?"

"Cause I was wondering if you could watch it," the little girl said slyly.

"I could. If I wanted." He shrugged, his hands in the pockets of his black jeans.

"I heard it's really scary . . .like with ghosts and all," Regina continued. "And a little girl who's possessed!"

"Sounds like you," he teased.

She glared at him. "I is _not_ possessed, Jimmy!"

"How do you know?" he challenged.

"Cause I don't have devils in me!" she retorted.

Jimmy thought that might be debatable.

"Jimmy, don't start with her," Alina sighed from the next room. She was reading a book called _The Fire Rose_ and hoping to finish the chapter before Ilyssa arrived.

"Alina! Jimmy said I'm possessed!" Regina cried, running over to her cousin.

"You believe everything Jimmy says?" Alina queried.

"Umm . . . No!"

"Well then what are you worrying about?"

"Nothing!" Regina sang gleefully. "I'm gonna watch cartoons!" she cried and grabbed the remote off the couch.

Just then the doorbell rang.

Jimmy listened with half an ear to the litany of instructions Bae was giving him. When his older brother ran out of breath, he said, "Chill, Bae. I'm not clueless, you know. I help with the twins all the time now."

"I know, but . . ." he let the words remain unspoken that this was _his_ baby. "If anything goes wrong call me immediately. Because if I find out something's happened to her when I get home, you and I are gonna go out back and go a few rounds, little brother," the martial arts instructor warned.

"Will you relax?" Jimmy huffed. "Neptune's arse, you're worse than a damned girl!"

"Hey!" chorused Alina, Regina, and Emma.

"What? It's like he's got PSM or something!"

Alina and Emma nearly fell on the floor laughing.

Bae nearly did too, his mouth twitching. "Okay, but you remember what I said, boy."

"Aye aye sir!" his brother said sarcastically and saluted him.

Bae cuffed his ear playfully.

"Ow!" Jimmy yelped in mock-pain, then called, "Hey, Uncle Rumple, he hit me!"

"Boys, take it outside before I knock your heads together!" Rumple ordered.

Bae shot him a dirty look. "Brat!"

Jimmy smirked until Rumple saw and said, "Behave, young man."

Then the boy subsided, for he respected Rumple as he would a captain of a ship.

"Have a good time, guys!" Alina told everyone as they went out the door.

"Just remember, Regina needs to be in bed by eight!" called Snow and then the door shut and there was blessed silence in the house.

Until Regina said, "I'm hungry? What we makin' for dinner?"

For a minute Jimmy was stumped. Then, recalling something, he said, "We're having Chinese. Roast pork egg foo young, fried rice, wonton soup, and eggrolls." They had leftovers from last night, enough for all of them.

"Yum!" Regina said. Then she asked, "What's for dessert?"

This time Alina answered, "Ice cream cones."

Another win.

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

Ilyssa remained asleep in her infant carrier until dinner was done and they were all eating ice cream cones on the couch in front of the TV. When she woke, wet and hungry, Freya came and nudged Jimmy and Alina, whining worriedly. The collie hated when the babies cried and would come to "hurry" an adult into taking care of them so they stopped.

"Okay, girl, calm down," Jimmy said, and stroked the collie's ears.

Princess whined too, and covered her ears with her paws.

"I'll change her, you feed her," Alina said, and rose to get the baby.

Ilyssa knew Alina, and stopped wailing when she saw Belle's daughter. She made a funny purring noise instead.

"Hey, pretty girl!" Alina tickled her tummy, making her squeal. "You like that, huh, little dearie?" That was what her papa called her baby sister sometimes. Then she blew a raspberry and Ilyssa giggled hysterically.

Once the baby was laughing, Alina picked her up and took her into bathroom, which had one of the twins changing tables in it.

Regina eyed the older girl curiously, then recalled that she wanted to see if Ilyssa's feathers had grown in yet, so she shoved her ice cream cone at Jimmy and said imperiously, "Hold this."

"Hey, what the—" the startled boy sputtered, now holding a slightly melted birthday cake ice cream cone. "You think I'm your servant or something?" he called, irritably.

"I'll be right back! I need to see somethin'!"

"Yeah, like the corner of a wall!" he muttered aggravated. Then he flipped the channel of the TV to one of the ones that showed old 80's flicks. As luck would have it, it was playing Poltergeist, but since he'd never seen it, Jimmy didn't know what was on.

Regina peered over the changing table railing, watching avidly. "You sure you know what you're doin'?"

"Uh huh. I've changed the twins a lot," Alina laughed. Luckily, Ilyssa was just wet, but Alina made sure she was clean, dry, and put some of the special salve Emma made on before she put her in a new diaper and her pajamas.

"Where's her feathers?" Regina grumped. "How come she ain't growed 'em yet?"

"Grown not growed," Alina corrected automatically. She unconsciously imitated Rumple, who had always corrected her when she said something wrong as a toddler. "And it's how come she hasn't grown them yet. Ain't ain't a word cause it ain't in the dictionary."

"Well, why hasn't she?" Regina said, completely ignoring the grammar lesson in favor of the more important question.

"Because she's a baby, and babies don't have feathers," the older girl answered.

"Yeah, she's a swan chick, so she's supposed to!"

"Why do you say that?"

"Cause that's her special power! Like you got magic an' Henry. Cause you're True Love babies. She is too!"

"Yeah, but we didn't start showing signs till we were older," Alina pointed out. Though she wasn't sure if that was because of the Dark Curse or not.

"Well, she's gonna become a swan!" the little girl stated implacably. "I know it like I know I'm gonna marry Stefan when I get bigger."

Alina raised an eyebrow. "Okay, whatever you say." She picked up Ilyssa. "C'mon, sweetling. Let's take you back to Uncle Jimmy so he can feed you."

Jimmy had the bottle ready as Alina came back and handed him the baby. He took the warm little bundle in his arms and crooned, "Hello, sweet thing! Are you hungry? I bet you are. I know I'm always hungry after I wake up from a nap."

Alyssa gazed at this new face, her nose twitching as she assimilated Jimmy's voice, touch, and face. Her hand reached out to touch his nose. This was something she did to all "new" people she met.

Jimmy grinned. "Here, lass. Here's some milk for you," he gently stuck the nipple into the baby's mouth and was rewarded with her drinking soon afterwards.

Regina watched them for a moment, as if hoping the baby would suddenly sprout wings as she ate, but after awhile she turned to see what was on TV and became fixated by the movie.

The phone rang, it was Henry, wanting to ask Alina a question about the science project he was working on, so Alina went into the kitchen to talk.

Jimmy was so busy feeding the baby that he barely paid attention to the TV, until Regina screamed and grabbed his arm. "Hey! What's wrong with you?" he snapped.

"An evil ghost's coming!" Regina yelped, hiding her face in Jimmy's shirt.

"Oh for the love of—" he began. Then he stopped what was about to come out of it, because the last thing he needed was Regina Big Mouth repeating it and getting his mouth washed out with liquid Dawn by Mr. Gold.

Rumple had serious issues about swearing in front of children, and through dint of many scoldings and repeated applications of soap, had managed to get his ward to think before he spoke—usually.

He flicked the channel, changing it to some cartoon with ponies singing. "There! It's some horse show."

But Regina decided she didn't want to watch TV anymore and ran upstairs to her little room and buried her head in her goosedown pillow, totally freaked out by the little girl on the TV.

Princess followed her, and the Dalmatian decided to play one of her favorite games—tug-o-war—with Regina's blanket.

"Princess!" she yelled. "No! Bad puppy!" She grabbed the blanket but the dog wouldn't let it go.

Frustrated, Regina banged the dog over the head with her pillow.

Princess grabbed the pillow and growled, shaking it back and forth.

"No! Stop!" Regina hollered.

There was a tearing sound and the pillow tore, and feathers fell out.

"Oh no! You bad dog! Now lookit what you done!" she scolded. "Auntie Belle n' unca Rumple are gonna be mad." The toddler quickly stuffed the pillow under the blanket, then she pulled the Dalmatian downstairs and put her in the yard. "Now you is in time out!" she shook a finger at the dog, who hung her head. "You gets five minutes!"

Nala meowed from the top of the counter.

"Nala, are you hungry? You want milk?" Regina asked.

Then she went to get the milk and pour it into the cat's dish.

Some slopped onto the floor, but Freya came and licked it up.

She put the milk back in the fridge then went to see what the others were doing.

Alina was eyeing Jimmy in concern. "Jimmy, you'd better burp her now."

"Yeah, in a minute," the boy answered, and then took the bottle out of Ilyssa's mouth. The baby began to fuss. "Hey, little Bae-bee, calm down. You gotta burp or else you'll puke."

He began patting the baby on the back.

She grizzled and wailed and refused to burp.

After five minutes, Jimmy looked desperate. "Alina, can you—err—magic her?"

The girl shook her head. "No way. Papa says nobody but him can use magic around the babies. Because we might accidentally hurt them." She held out her arms. "Let me try."

Jimmy reluctantly handed the baby over to her. Rumple's daughter began humming and rubbing and walking around with the baby on her shoulder. Ilyssa fussed.

"Alina, lemme try again," Jimmy urged.

"Hang on," the girl muttered and patted harder.

Suddenly Ilyssa arched her back and let out a weird kind of noise—just before she projectile vomited.

All over Jimmy.

"Ugh! Bloody _hell_!"

He was covered with puke, it dripped off his shirt, his jeans, and even some was in his hair.

"Ewww!" Regina shrieked. "Gross!"

"Aww God!" Alina groaned. "I think you fed her too much."

"I think she drank too fast," the boy groaned.

He looked around the den in dismay.

The carpet was covered with baby puke.

"Ewww! It's everywhere!" Regina announced.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" Jimmy growled. "Now I stink like . . .puke. Umm . . .I think I need to go get changed."

"And take a shower," Alina said, wrinkling her nose. She went and examined the baby, who seemed fine now that she had gotten rid of the milk inside her tummy. "Okay, swan chick, lemme put you in your seat while I clean this up." She went to put the baby in the infant seat.

"No! Freya, don't eat the puke!" Regina yelled as the collie came and sniffed at the mess.

"Gross, Freya!" Alina said, and went to put the collie in the yard.

Then she moved the baby into the kitchen while she went and filled a bucket with cleaner and got a mop. She determined that if she couldn't get the stain out of the rug the normal way, she would use her magic and enchant the water, but Rumple stressed to try and not rely on magic for everything, even though she was a mage. He said doing so could make you dependant on it for every little thing.

"You want me to watch Lyssa?" Regina offered. "I don't wanna be in there. It smells like something died!" She held her nose.

"Yeah you watch Ilyssa while I clean this," Alina agreed. "But no picking her up or giving her anything!" she ordered. "Promise me, Regina."

"I pwomise," the child agreed.

Alina took the bucket back into the den, figuring she'd only be a few minutes.

Regina looked around the kitchen, bored. Ilyssa was eating her foot, or trying to. On the counter beside the phone, Regina spotted some art supplies Alina had put there while making a poster for her history project.

Above that was a small calendar with cherubs, Belle had hung it there to mark off certain dates.

Regina studied the calendar and then looked back at Ilyssa.

Then she looked at the art supplies.

And what her dad called "the imp of mischief" woke up.

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

Ten minutes later, Jimmy emerged from the shower and came downstairs. "Alina—did you clean up the mess in the den?"

"Yeah. I had to use a little magic, but look, I got it all cleaned!" she said brightly.

"Good. Because the last thing I needed was them to come home and find that all over." Jimmy declared.

He took the pail into the kitchen to empty it into the sink. "Where's Ilyssa?"

"In the kitchen. With Regina." Alina answered, following with the mop.

Jimmy nearly passed out when he caught sight of the baby. "Holy f—bloody damn _hell!_ "

"What's happened now?" Alina frowned. Then she dropped the mop with a clatter. "Regina Nolan, what have you _done?"_

Regina looked up from her handiwork proudly. "I's gave Lyssa feathers! Now she's a real swan chick!"

Jimmy's jaw dropped. The baby was covered in goose feathers. They were stuck on her head, her arms and even her legs. "Oh gods! They're stuck on her! Like with glue!"

Ilyssa didn't seem to mind, however. She was gurgling and waving her fists and feathers were drifting about her in a blizzard.

"Regina! You _glued_ feathers on Ilyssa?" Alina cried in horror. "Where'd you get the glue?"

"From there," the child pointed to the counter. "Isn't Lyssa beautiful?"

"Beautiful? Kid, she's a wreck!" Jimmy moaned. "Bae's gonna kick my ass! How do we get the feathers off?"

"No! You can't takes them off!" Regina howled. "She needs them!"

Alina began to try and clean up the feathers with a quick summoning charm, but as if on cue, the door opened, and all of their parents walked in.

"So Jimmy, how was Ilyssa for you?" Emma began.

"Yeah, did she pee on—Jesus H. Christ!" Bae hollered when he caught sight of his precious baby girl covered in feathers.

"Oh my God! What on earth?" Belle gasped.

"Dearie, what's—" Rumple began until he caught sight of Ilyssa. "Jimmy Jones, you have some serious explaining to do!"

"Uncle Rumple, it wasn't my fault," Jimmy began.

Until Regina burst out with, "Lookit, Emma! I gave Ilyssa feathers!"

"Regina, _you_ did this?" Emma sputtered, her blue eyes wide with dismay.

"Uh huh! Now she's like a real swan chick!" the child said proudly.

Snow facepalmed herself. "Oh, Regina! How could you . . .put feathers on Ilyssa?"

"With glue!" the toddler told her.

"Papa, can we get them off?" Bae cried, picking up the baby.

Feathers transferred themselves to him.

"Let me see, dearie," Rumple came over to examine the baby. "It's just Elmer's glue. Non-toxic. I think a bath with warm water and soap will do it."

"I'll run a bath for you, Emma," Belle said. "Alina, how did this happen?"

"I'm really sorry, Mama. But you see, I was cleaning the rug . . ." her daughter said, looking guilty.

"Because Ilyssa puked all over it," Jimmy continued, looking chagrined. He began telling Bae and Rumple what happened.

David gave Regina one of his I'm-Very-Disappointed Looks. "Regina Nolan, that was very naughty of you!" he scolded.

"But Daddy, I just wanted Ilyssa to be able to fly!" Regina sniffled. "Like them!" she pointed to the picture of the cherubs.

Charming looked at Snow. "Do you want to explain this or shall I?"

"I think we both need to," his wife said, and they took their intrepid toddler into the den to explain to her again why she couldn't glue feathers onto Ilyssa, and to give her some time in the corner also.

Meanwhile, Rumple, Bae, and Jimmy carried Ilyssa upstairs to where Belle, Emma, and Alina had prepared the bath. "Uncle Rumple, I didn't mean to—"

"I know, son. It really wasn't your fault. Or Alina's. Regina's like the ocean though—you can't turn your back on her for a second."

"Isn't that the truth!" Bae said, brushing a feather out of his hair.

An hour later, Ilyssa had been bathed and changed into a new set of pajamas. She was sucking her fist and half-dozing on Rumple's shoulder as he carried her downstairs.

"I believe Regina has something to say to you, Emma and Bae," David said, and gestured to Regina.

The little imp came forward, head bowed, and said softly, "Sorry, Emma, for puttin' feathers on Ilyssa."

"Okay, kid just don't ever do that again," Emma said a trifle sternly.

"I won't."

"You're forgiven then," and then she caught the small girl in a hug.

Bae hugged her also, then the two new parents went to pack up their stuff to go home.

"So how was your dinner?" asked Jimmy.

"It was nice, but I'm glad to be home," Bae told his brother.

"Me too."

"Help me carry this stuff out to my car?"

"Sure," Jimmy picked up a diaper bag. "Bae, I'm sorry I didn't—"

"Kid, you apologize one more time and I'm gonna kick your ass just to shut you up," his brother threatened softly.

"Okay, okay!" Jimmy smirked. "You know, you've gotten . . . mellow since you had the baby."

Bae raised an eyebrow. "Fatherhood will do that to you . . .or else drive you crazy. Right now Ilyssa hasn't gotten me to the crazy part yet."

"But she will," Jimmy predicted.

"No doubt. She's a Gold . . .and a Nolan." Bae laughed.

"Night, Bae," his brother said, waving.

Emma came out, carrying Ilyssa. "I guess it could've been worse," she said philosophically as they drove home.

"It could've always been worse, Em," Bae answered.

"You got that right. Poor Ilyssa could've been hanging by the ceiling fan or something as Regina tried to make her fly," Emma hypothesized, shuddering.

"Don't even go there," Bae ordered.

They texted Henry and he told them he was sleeping over Ash's house and would go to school with him the next day. When they got home, they put Ilyssa into the cradle and then crawled into bed themselves.

 **Page~*~*~*~Break**

The next morning dawned bright and clear, and Emma woke up in a better mood than she had gone to bed last night. She had only woken up once to feed the baby and now she heard the little imp cooing in the cradle, awake but not seemingly in need of anything.

Emma turned her head and saw Bae sleeping peacefully, his head on her pillow. Deciding to let him sleep in for once, she rose and went to greet her daughter.

"Baelfire!" she yelled. "Wake up!"

"What?" he muttered, jerked away by his wife's scream. "Emma? What is it? Is Ilyssa okay?" He turned over to see Emma standing gaping beside the cradle.

"Bae . . .Bae . . .look at this . . .and tell me I'm not seeing things."

"Emma, what's wrong? Is the baby sick?" Bae stumbled over to see what had his normally stoic wife gaping in shock. Then he saw why, and he almost fell down. "Holy cow! She's got . . . _wings!"_

He rubbed his eyes, peering hard, convinced he was seeing things.

But no, his baby girl was lying there in the cradle, and a pair of the softest silkiest downy white wings was fluttering on her back.

Emma reached out to touch one. "They're real!" she breathed.

"How'd this happen?" Bae murmured.

"I don't know," the sheriff repeated, dazed. "Except . . .maybe her magic's awakening."

"I think we better call Papa." Bae said, and began to dial Rumple's number.

A few moments later, Rumple was standing over the cradle, marveling as well at his granddaughter's wings.

"Rumple, how'd this happen?"

"Magic, dearie," the master mage replied. He peered at his granddaughter's aura. "Transformation magic, and quite powerful too."

"You mean . . .Regina was right? She really can become a swan?" Bae asked, awed.

"When she's old enough, yes. Right now though . . ." he trailed off as the wings suddenly shimmered and then disappeared.

"They're gone!" Emma exclaimed.

"Yes, I believe she can only manifest them for a short time at this stage," Rumple murmured, picking her up. "Right, dearie?"

Ilyssa yawned.

"And using her magic makes her tired," the old sorcerer said, rocking her.

"It's okay for her to use magic at her age, though?" Emma asked worriedly.

Rumple nodded. "Yes. She's a mage like you and me, and using the magic is a natural thing. Of course, being a baby she might only be able to do little things like this for now. Like my twins. As they grow older their magic will grow until it manifests fully like yours and I can train them."

"I just can't believe she has . . .wings!" Bae repeated.

"Get used to it, Bae. She's your swan chick," Rumple grinned, then he kissed the top of Ilyssa's head.

He could foresee many adventures ahead of this tiny baby, and for all the children in his family, but as always, come what may, they would meet such challenges head on, together, for their strength was in each other, now and forevermore.

 **A/N: so here ends this little tale, but someday I have a much longer story to write, which shall feature Cora and the Hooks and their undead army invading Storybrooke, and more of Gold's past shall be revealed, including his mother's, and one last missing family member shall return home at last. Until next time, dearies!**


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